What's The Douchiest Male Name?

We're going to figure this out once and for all. The results will be 100% scientific, so there will be no cause for complaint or disagreement. I'm talking to you, Garrett.

You can only choose one name from this list of popular male names. Think very carefully before you choose, because there's no going back. Full names stand in for any nicknames or variations as well (i.e. choose Jacob for Jake or Jakob).