1. Shailene Woodley
Here she is at a Calvin Klein party, meaning she was dressed by Calvin Klein, a very minimal label. This is simple and lovely and I want her hair. The end.
2. Jessica Chastain
Looking at this I’m beginning to think Jessica — who’s landed in many problematic outfits, let’s be honest — should wear Calvin almost exclusively. No bad ruffles, sequins, trains, turtlenecks, or unnecessary frippery. She needs someone to prove to her she just needs dresses, not wearable sea monsters.
3. Tilda Swinton
I aways get the sense that she just sort of throws on something orange/nude/brown-ish, mats her hair back with some mousse, and hits the carpet without caring what anyone thinks. Like, she probably thinks as hard about these looks as she does about her gym outfits.
4. Lara Stone
I see she didn’t get this ironed or tailored so that it didn’t gape at her side-boob. Yet she layered on the black eyeliner and made sure her cleavage was out (which, when you’re a model known for your rack, is kind of unavoidable).
5. Diane Kruger
Speaking of cleavage! This is a lot breastier than she usually looks. Either that Calvin dress or her bra is doing some fancy overtime work with her boobs there.
6. Naomi Watts
Another low cut number that I suspect is deceivingly simple, which is often the case with minimal outfits. She’s not as cleavage-y as some of the above ladies, but I suspect that neckline (or “breastline”) is secured with some double sided styling tape.
7. Jada Pinkett Smith
She looks like the super hero Lost never figured into its plotline.
8. Freida Pinto
And she looks like the gladiator Beyoncé never hired as an extra for a music video.
9. Melissa George
Anyone wearing something with such a complicated boob window — set within a top yet over a bra with a seam down the front — and paired with a flared skirt has put some mental energy into what they’re wearing.
10. Eva Longoria
But! When you’ve got asymmetrical bra- and underwear-prohibiting mesh windows into your body you’ve really got think about how your sitting, standing, existing. Sometimes I get tired just looking at this woman.
11. Freida Pinto
There’s a constant effortlessness about her, which I adore. Even though she’s wearing a crop top, which is unusual for these sorts of junkets since well, who wants to do more sit-ups? It works very well on her.
12. Jessica Chastain
Yes! Simple-ish! Easy! The pockets felt a little awkward but at least this doubles as a wedding dress if she ever needs it.
13. Fan Bingbing
I love Fan Bingbing because she really gets dressed when she gets dressed. This is extraordinarily carefree hippie for her, as you’ll see ahead.
14. Freida Pinto
You can tell this takes a healthy amount of fear to wear since she’s stepping on her dress while wearing platform stilettos in this picture. Not a combination I’d ever put myself through on an international stage.
16. Jane Fonda
You can tell she loves these things. Big hair, big makeup, big shine — she’s like the bronze Olympic medal.
17. Diane Kruger
This is heavy for a summer festival. Who said, “Let’s put you in a boxy top with a huge belt embellished with a big gold arrow and a poofy skirt and chunky black sandals that might weight more than your legs”?
18. Eva Longoria
I believe anyone wearing a jumpsuit has thought very hard about whether or not they should wear the jumpsuit. Jumpsuits are problematic garments because you have to get naked when you go to the bathroom, and if you’re tall they’re likely to give you camel toe and/or a wedgie. That said, I think this one looks nice on Eva.
Only a music star could get away with a multi-colored leopard jumpsuit with purple shades and a half-shaved head. I wouldn’t be surprised if we saw the distressed denim version of this on Rihanna tomorrow.
20. Beth Ditto
Love the Ditto. Her style is unique and she doesn’t take shit for it, yet she cares enough to wear the sequin skirt with the lace sleeves.
21. Eva Herzigova
Before Beyoncé went to the Met Ball in a crazy ballgown body stocking, Eva went to Cannes in a crazy ballgown body stocking. Eva is one of my favorite people to watch at this film festival because year after year she seems hellbent on wearing sheer mermaid gowns and lots of diamonds so she can show the world why she’s a supermodel and the rest of us aren’t.
22. Angela Ismailos
I love a dress that says, “OUT OF MY WAY MY DRESS HAS A BOTTOM!!!” Anything that has to be shot from the back to be fully appreciated probably took a lot of planning.
24. Eva Longoria
Don’t let this train deceive you, for it is not nearly as wimpy as it seems at first glance.
Rather, it is long and cascading and quite toilet paper-like.
26. Eva Longoria
Eva sure is getting a lot of practice wearing trains on steps at this thing.
27. Fan Bingbing
Fan! In a cape!
A cape with a train that’s also fully embellished and crusty.
29. Fan Bingbing
This train has people on it. Yay.
30. Phoebe Price
If you think the hair and makeup is intense, just look at the pattern on her insanely busy dress.
But this is somehow less intense than this:
32. Phoebe Price
For which she stole Kate Middleton’s fascinator and Barbie’s Dream House curtains.
But for all the work starlets and their stylists are putting into their looks, no one puts as much thought into their clothes as LMFAO. Wearing a rainbow of leopard print constantly doesn’t come naturally to anyone.