allisons10
 
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    • allisons10

      I’d like to make the argument for #15 that her boyfriend isn’t that bad if he is willing to use some type of sex toy on her to get her off! Good sex doesn’t have to involve only penis in vagina sex, there are other ways to get off and be happy. Foreplay is key and vital part of female sexuality, we need it to help lubricate properly for sex and also one must remember that vaginas are like an oven while the penis is that of a microwave! Vaginal pleasure takes time to warm up, to literally get the juices needed for arousal and climax going. If you talk to your partner and they refuse flat out to do any type of foreplay that turns you on, maybe you need to look for another parnter. Anyone who isn’t willing to take into consideration about your wants and needs in the bedroom and only cares about their own is a selfish person. Its usually a pretty big red flag that they might not be so considerate of your feelings of want and need later on in the relationship. Now change can happen, it can, but if your partner can’t understand why your wants and needs are important for an intimate romantic sexual connection, then I’m sorry, probably should move on. Women (or those who are seen as female) are constantly told to fake it and just deal with pleasure less sex by society because we are always told that it isn’t important and that male pleasure is; or at the very least told that it matters more so than ours. That we are not to be sexual subjects only sexual objects. We are conditioned to believe that certain sex acts are for dirty bad girls, girls that are whores and sluts and that we as “good girls” should not do those acts. Its the whole Madonna Whore complex thing at play, which hurts not just female sexuality, but male sexuality as well as you can tell from some of the confessions (their girlfriends refuse to move or do any type of new positions). Now there are people who have low libido, or are asexual or are on the spectrum of asexuality. I know these people, and they do have very happy successful relationships without sex, but they also talk to their partners about it and know that for some people sex is very much needed for some type of intimate connection or pleasure. They don’t shame a partner for wanting to have sex or needing sex. Some may have sex (not all asexuals are sex repulsed they just don’t care or are indifferent to it) with their partner to make sure they get their intimate needs met, some may choose not date that partner anymore, while others chose to do an open relationship, so that their partners needs are met while still having an amazing loving relationship with them. They talk about boundaries that goes with that open relationship and also their own sexual relationship. Communication is key, listening and understanding without judgment is key, a two way street of partner happiness is key (you care about what your partner wants but they also care about yours as well). All of these are vital to a happy, healthy relationship!

    • allisons10

      To me this just proves we need to better communicate what we want out of relationships, monogamy and talk about boundaries that are within them. Some people can’t handle monogamy, some people can, some think they can but then actually can’t, and some think they can’t but then actually can. If you want to avoid cheating in any way, talk to your partner at the beginning. Let them know what is allowed and what isn’t and make sure both of you respect those boundaries. Like Dan Savage says, when you have an open relationship that doesn’t mean the whole fucking door goes flying off, you can leave it open a crack (ex: partner is allowed to flirt sexually with others, they can cyber or sext someone as long as it doesn’t go to far, also they can have exceptions with only certain people and situations, porn can be one or maybe even a don’t ask don’t tell type of policy: if it happens don’t tell me about it like ever). Do I feel sorry for people who cheat, NO, not in any shape or form; but I also believe we need to get real about what type of monogamy we really want and how realistic it actually is for us. Its going to be hard, and maybe even uncomfortable, but we as a society have to encourage others to do this. We need to go to our partner and say, sexually its not working we need to figure this out, and not judge or be worried about being judged if we do so. We need to have open communication about sex, love and boundaries and what those mean for each kind of couples.

    • allisons10

      I’m not a big believer in love at first sight. I mean if you believe it then go on ahead but to me, love doesn’t just happen the first time you set eyes on somebody. You can’t look at somebody and know what kind of person they are, you get to know them over time and begin to see them for who they are. What most people are probably feeling is intense chemistry and infatuation, not love per se. That’s not to say that infatuation can turn into love over time though. But if love at first sight happens then to me that just seems shallow. Love at first sight basically means to me that you are looking at a person and based on how they look or how you perceive them you fall for them just doesn’t make sense to me. I’ve met people who I thought were super amazing and great looking but after getting to know them, they suddenly became very unattractive to me. On the flip side, I’ve met people who I though, eh not bad, but after getting to know them over time they then became the most gorgeous person on the planet. I didn’t start a relationship with them but I did develop a huge crush.

    • allisons10

      Having depression (I’m bipolar type 2) is like babysitting or being in charge all of your emotions all at the same time. By that I mean, you are watching them, making sure things go accordingly, when out of no where without warning anger gets on the top of a table and starts screaming and stomping. You try to calm anger down but anger just screams in your face, “I DO WHAT I WANT, FUCK OFF”. You see that this makes anxiety upset and they start freaking out so you try to calm anxiety down, while also telling anger to calm the fuck down. Anxiety starts having an attack because of how anger is behaving, and sadness is over there rolled into a ball of great depression because why even bother helping, they are just going to fuck things up anyways. You tell sadness that’s not true and you finally you look over at joy and joy is all “oh it will be alright, just suck it up and deal with it” then she promptly disappears and goes away leaving you to realize joy isn’t being that much of a help and can seriously go fuck themselves! So you are trying to get all of these emotions you are in charge of under control but everybody, at the same time, starts wanting to spaz out and refuses to listen to you. All while this is happening, there are others who are looking at you like you are a horrible person who can’t get things under control and all you want to do is lock yourself up, crawl in a hole and just go away. You want to get away from your crazy over reacting emotions because they don’t want to listen to you and every time you look at somebody for help or just in general people have a look they give you. You feel that they will judge you so super harshly for not having your shit and emotions together. And the sad part is, people who don’t have depression or any type of mental illness do look down on you. They don’t understand or have any compassion for what is happening in your head and what you are having to deal with. They just look at you and say, “its not that bad, everybody has stuff to deal with, get over yourself”. They make you feel horrible and selfish for feeling overwhelmed by your emotions and not knowing what to do. They can’t undestand because their emotions and brain doesn’t work like yours. When anger gets out of hand, they can calmly talk to anger and say, dude chill and eventually anger does chill. Same with the rest, but if you have any form of depression, just doesn’t work like that! I remember seeing a post about how somebody’s loved one killed themselves and they were super mad and angry calling that person a horribly selfish person. I get why they would be mad but saying suicide is selfish only furthers stigma that will prevent people from getting help. If somebody is so overwhelmed that they think dying is the only out they are going to feel bad and guilty for feeling that way and will not seek out help when they need it. When you are suicidal, you are seriously not in the right state of mind, it is like you have so gone far off the edge you are now feeling possessed. Like it just isn’t you anymore. I know because I have tried to kill myself. Thankfully it failed and immediately after I went to go seek help and I got it. When somebody comes to you with problems of depression, listen and encourage them to go seek medical help. Do not judge them, do not stigmatize them and be careful with your “words of encouragement” which isn’t really encouraging at all!

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