1.
Anyone even a single day younger than you is a "youth."
2.
And there's nothing more frightening to you than a group of teens laughing.
3.
You find yourself complaining about "REAL music" versus "music these days."
4.
Just the thought of music festivals makes you exhausted.
5.
You've had weird aches and pains all your life.
6.
You do not relate to people who say things like "back in my party days," because you never had 'em.
7.
You've been known to enjoy an early bird special from time to time.
8.
For you, pre-gaming means attempting to come up with excuses to stay home and go to sleep early, away from youths.
9.
You have never understood the allure of Spring Break.
10.
You've been known to complain about heartburn and gas. A lot.
11.
Your basic emotions are happy (and tired), sad (and tired), and very tired.
12.
You're allergic to clubs.
13.
You have seriously considered purchasing a Life Alert.
14.
You watch home shopping channels.
15.
You never understand what youths are saying.
16.
Fashion trends confuse and frighten you.
17.
Birthdays mean pretty much nothing to you.
18.
Everything is WAY TOO LOUD, ALWAYS.
19.
Awards show season exists to remind you how out of touch you are with pop culture.
20.
Your motto is "I'm too old for this shit," regardless of your actual age.
21.
You wouldn't dream of leaving home without a sweater.
22.
You know that activities like knitting and crocheting are fun, soothing, and creative.
23.
And the best part? You're totally comfortable with who you are.
