23 Ways Martha Stewart Is More Hipster Than You

Don’t even try to keep up.

1. Martha was into cats before the Internet was.

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2. She has her own radio show.

Technically it’s mainly focused on cooking tips and less so on shoegaze nu metal, but details.

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3. She rocks shiny gold pants.

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(Like any American Apparel enthusiast worth her salt*.)

*It’s artisanal Himalayan rock salt, btw.

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4. This happened.

P. Diddy came on The Martha Stewart Show and taught Martha how to rap. She informed him that her prison nickname was M. Diddy, because of course it was.

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5. This too. (They made BROWNIES!)

She wore an ironically ugly Christmas sweater and everything.

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6. Speaking of prison (which is awful and all), she now has more street cred than ever.

According to this New York Times article, “While some Martha Stewart fans abandoned their magazine subscriptions and Ms. Stewart’s high-thread-count sheets after she went to prison over her 2004 conviction for lying to federal investigators about a stock sale, this new generation of fans say her prison time only gives her more street credibility.” Street credibility.

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7. She likes PBR and Conan O’Brien.

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8. She digs Apple products.

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9. She owns super-hip dogs…

They blog. They are dogs with a blog.

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10. …whom she often forces to wear people clothes.

Show me something that is more hipster than an ugly sweater and I will show you a liar.

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11. She got her start as a model.

Like every proper crafter, nowadays.

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12. Sometimes the pressure is just too much.

Also: “lesbian dates.”

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13. So she unwinds with some cleansing yoga.

In printed leggings.

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And looks annoyed by all the long-winded chanting.

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14. Or an even more obscure form of exercise.

Only the original domestic goddess could require two boogie boards at once.

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15. She hangs out with other hipsters.

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They DIY.

That is not, unfortunately, James Murphy from LCD Soundsystem, but dare to dream.

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16. She also chills with “SNL” cast members.

While wearing parkas!

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17. And “Sesame Street” cast members.

There must be some inherent moral dilemma in asking Cookie Monster to eat a cookie OF HIS OWN FACE.

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18. And Mr. T.

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19. She’s graced the cover of “Wired.”

Has your Kickstarter campaign to fund your stop-motion film about knitting yurts for orphans landed YOU on the cover of Wired? That’s right.

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20. Halloween is a big thing for her.

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21. Hipsters build shrines to her.

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22. Sometimes on their own flesh.

From Instagram user monstermalcolm; apparently it belongs to his friend Josh, who’s an artist and crafter. The tattoo is by tattoo artist Christy Brooker.

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This is the forearm of tattoo artist Stacey Martin.

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According to Flickr user Josh Latta, this is a tattoo of “metal Martha Stewart.”

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From the January 2006 issue of Tattoo magazine.

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Remember when Martha went to jail? This guy sure does.

His name is Joe Tamargo. SaveMartha.com bought the space on his arm off of eBay; at one point, they also sold Save Martha temporary tattoos for supporters who were slightly less committed to the cause.

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23. And finally: One time she wore this.

Maybe those sleeves were ironic. Maybe they were pre-ironic, or ironically pre-ironic. The world will never know.

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