While on her whirlwind book tour for Yes Please the effortlessly funny Queen Poehler graced the BuzzFeed offices with not only her presence, but her thoughts and opinions on items of varying degree of seriousness. OK, so most of the following things are not at all serious, but her astute remarks about them are just as important.
1. Waffles
Yummy.
2. Green juice
Weird.
3. Electronic Dance Music
Ecstasy deaths.
4. Emoji
A steaming pile of poop.
5. The Real Housewives
Jail.
6. Taylor Swift's new album
1989 — year I graduated. So I was like, Wow, I feel really old.
7. Halloween
For children only. Not a fan of Halloween. Fuck, man. I can't stand Halloween. If I was dating a guy that was into Halloween I'd be like, Keep walking.
8. Boston accents
Pass. Just disgusting.
9. Pumpkin Spice Lattes
Too much sugar and flavor. Way too much flavor.
God, I miss it. I miss Oprah's show so much, man. I should have written about this in my book. You don't understand what it was like, Oprah was on every day. Every dayyyy. After school. Every day for an hour. So good. The network, I'm all for it, but I just really miss her show. So much. I should call her and tell her this.
11. Going to the gym
No thank you.
12. Scrunchies
Oh! Um, [they're] fine. Also, it's OK to be a little depressed. Everyone is, sometimes. It's OK.
13. Crimped hair
The first thing I thought of was "music video." I used to go real crimp. I also like that they added it as a category on So You Think You Can Dance. It started in Houston, I think.
14. Wearing sandals with socks
…It's OK to be a little depressed!
15. Wearing sunglasses at night
No doubt, that is cool. I think it's cool. I think sunglasses are really cool. Let me put it this way: If a guy likes Halloween it's a pass, but if a guy showed up at my apartment at night I would be like, What's your story?
16. Poufy bangs
It was a tough time.
17. Yoga
Sure. I mean, I'd like to do more. I think it's really great. I'm not very flexible but I know it's not about a competition and just stay-in-your-own-lane… you know, it's not about that.
18. Texting the word "K" and "K" only
OK. I try to do that and it always comes up "I"; it autocorrects me. Also I try to text "oy" a lot and it comes up "yo," which is not great when a friend texts and is like, "It's not good, my mom is still sick," and I write back, "Yo." And also, while I have you — I assume that BuzzFeed talks to Apple and you guys all know each other now — it's ALWAYS "fucking," iPhone. It's not "ducking," it's "fucking." Stop. Like, get it right and make it "fucking." It's crazy that I can't say "fucking" on my phone; it's bullshit. It's ducking bullshit.
19. One Direction
Not so familiar but I like all of their hair. But I don't know their music too well.
20. Potty training
Oh, yeah, just got out of that. For myself. My children have been out of diapers for years.
21. Showering every day
That's what I do — is that bad? I know that you're not supposed to wash your hair every day but I forget. I'll be like, Don't wash your hair, don't wash your hair, don't wash your hair, and then I just instinctually start washing it and be like, Oh, fuck I wasn't supposed to wash my hair. I love a shower. I love a shower and I'm not afraid to admit it.
22. The Boston Red Sox
Yes. Yay. Go, Red Sox. Go, yay. I mean, I haven't really been following them but they are my team. And when they won I was in New York City and that was super exciting to watch it with other super fans like Mike Schur, who created Parks and Rec, and Seth Meyers. We stormed the streets.
23. Tina Fey
Queen.
24. Lorne Michaels
King. (laughs)
25. Cats
No thanks. Sorry. I don't hate them, but, um, you know. I like a lot of people who like cats. I feel like I'm going hear from the cat lobby here — I don't like any animal that you can't find when you get home. I don't like that. I want to know where they are, always.
26. Dogs
I mean, OK. I like them both, I don't want anyone to hurt them. But now that I have two little kids in my house the thought of feeding another living thing is like, No fucking way.
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Yes Please (Dey Street Books) is now available in bookstores everywhere.