So Maybe Don't Bring Food Into The Bedroom This Valentine's Day, Based On These 12 Stories

Maybe read this before you bust out the whipped cream tonight ok??

We asked our BuzzFeed Brazil group on Facebook what their, uh, nuttiest experiences have been with using food during sex. Here are their best stories:

All responses have been edited for length and clarity.

1. "He was eating me out, while I was still chowing down on a sandwich."

media.giphy.com

"We were staying in and eating sandwiches. I focused on watching the TV. Suddenly, he started eating me out, and while I was still chowing down on a sandwich — fully loaded with cheese, tomato, turkey breast. I felt like Scooby-Doo." — Fernanda

2. "I melted a bar of chocolate, to make things more interesting, but I burned my boyfriend."

media.giphy.com

"We were making up after a horrible fight. I melted a chocolate bar in the microwave to, you know, make things more interesting. So, I got on top of him all sensually and said 'Babe, close your eyes because I have a surprise for you.' But I couldn't even enjoy the chocolate, because he took off like a shot, saying that I had tried to kill him (the chocolate was really hot). To this day, he doesn't really talk to me much." — Jessica

3. "The ice slipped inside me ... and I started screaming."

Disney / Via youtube.com

"One time, my ex-boytoy wanted to get his Christian Grey on. He handcuffed me to the bed, blindfolded me, and went to work with ice and whipped cream. Delicious! When he started going down on me, all that was left was for me to do was lose my mind. But the ice slipped right inside me. It didn't get in all the way, but you couldn't just dig it out with a finger. Then, the ice started to burn. I started screaming, and my guy desperately tried to set me free, but of course, he couldn't find the fucking key for the cuffs! Finally, he decided to try to, uh, suck the ice out — and it worked!" — Vanessa

4. "My friends used corn-flavored ice cream, and it ended up looking like pus."

Globo / Via globoplay.globo.com

"This one time, my friend used corn-flavored ice cream. He said that everything got all sticky and yellowish, and looked like oozing pus from some gigantic, disgusting zit." — Jen

5. "The milk dripped all over my body, and by the end, I looked like the floor of a nightclub."

media.giphy.com

"My boyfriend and I at the time were MEGA inexperienced. He decided to dip strawberries into sweetened condensed milk and feed them to me. The milk dripped all over my body, and he licked it off. Sounds sexy, right? But, by the end, I looked like the floor of a nightclub, sticky and gross." — Lilian

6. "The champagne slid down to my crotch, and that shit must have been about 8,217,273 degrees below zero."

media.giphy.com

"The boy and I went to a swanky motel, and we decided to order some champagne. Everything was going very well, until he decided to pour a little on me. The problem though is that he poured it on my tummy, and it slid down to my crotch. That shit must have been about 8,217,273 degrees below zero. I couldn't stop laughing while I cleaned it up — it had flash-frozen my 'little girl.' — Amanda

7. "I decided to pour chocolate all over my first boyfriend, from shin to shoulder."

Axe / Via advert.ge

"Over Easter, I decided to slather my first boyfriend in chocolate. But, thanks to my limited experience, I didn't know you were supposed to drizzle and lick a little at the same time. So I simply slathered the poor guy's whole body with chocolate, from shin to shoulder. Meanwhile, he just laid there in nothing but his underpants, anxiously waiting for the moment when I would suck all of it up. But, when I finished pouring it all on, the whole situation made me feel sick, especially when I thought about licking up all that chocolate mixed up with his body hair. So, I decided that I was done and told him to go get washed up." — Gabriela

8. "He poured vodka into my belly button."

media.giphy.com

"He poured vodka into my belly button, but the face he made when he went to lick it up was REALLY funny. It looked like he'd just sucked on a really sour lime. I started laughing, and the vodka soaked the whole couch." — Anonymous

9. "I've eaten strawberry yogurt while using a guy's dick as a spoon."

media.giphy.com

"I've eaten strawberry yogurt while using a guy's dick as a spoon. It's actually a beautiful thing." — Débora

10. "Once, when I was on the brink of climax, he shoved a chocolate in my mouth."

Universal / Via doblu.com

"I've never used food during sex, but this once, I was right on the brink of climax when he shoved a chocolate in my mouth. I was, like, WTF? I confess, it was a completely random move." — Emilene

11. "I put melted chocolate on my crotch ... and ended up crying."

David L. Wolper Productions

"I poured melted chocolate on my crotch, and let the guy have at it. But I hadn't checked the temperature, and I ended up crying for two minutes. So, be careful! But, aside from that, I still highly recommend it." — Andressa

12. And finally: "Don't use Nutella to step up oral sex."

YouTube / Via youtube.com

"Nutella seriously fucks shit up. It looks like somebody had diarrhea in the bed. Don't use it to step up oral sex. It's not worth it." — Nayhara

Got a food-related sexcapade of your own? Comment with yours below!

This post was translated from Portuguese.