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How Goth Are You?

Here's a handy quiz to help you measure just how deep your inner pain really is.

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  1. 1. What is your go-to hairstyle?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Blow-dried sidesweep

    Your hair's naturally curly, right? How long does this take you in the morning??

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Matted bedhead

    This look is achieved by grinding your head into a pillow in agony, then adding hairspray.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Hairspray sunburst

    Your face constantly looks like it's exploding out of your own hair.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Brown and boring because your stupid parents won't let you dye it

    "Mom, can I at least do a STREAK?"

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Shaved on one side, long on the other

    Show a little skull.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Sharp razor bob

    Severe, just like you.

  2. 2. What is your biggest pet peeve?

    Correct
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    Parents visibly steer their children away from you on the sidewalk.

    They don't get that you just LOOK scary! These fangs pop right out, see? Oh, wait, now the kid is sobbing.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    No one can pronounce the goth pseudonym you chose to hide the fact that your real name is Susan.

    Why couldn't your parents have named you "Prystess Eliphyre Vampyrina" instead of something so totally weird?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    You can't decide whether to use a free afternoon writing poetry, making music, or painting.

    There are just TOO many ways to express the turmoil of your inner soul sometimes, you know?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Mall cops won't let you loiter in the food court unless you're eating something.

    But you already spent all your money on leather spike collars!

    Correct
    Incorrect
    How could you pick when EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS SO PAINFUL?

    Your pet peeve is the ongoing struggle of being alive.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Too many people want to date you. It's, like, so annoying!

    The above website will never, ever grace the screen of your laptop, as you're already rolling in potential paramours.

  3. 3. What is your favorite goth band?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Bauhaus

    "BELA LUGOSI'S DEAD"

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Sisters of Mercy

    "I HEAR EMPIRE DOWN"

    Correct
    Incorrect
    HIM

    "WHEN LOVE AND DEATH EMBRACE"

    Correct
    Incorrect
    The Cure

    "BOYS DON'T CRY"

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Nine Inch Nails

    "HEAD LIKE A HOLE, BLACK AS YOUR SOUL"

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Evanescence

    "WAKE ME UP INSIIIDE"

  4. 4. What is your favorite animal?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Ravens

    You like that they're symbols of death.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Black cats

    They represent evil forces at work, just like you.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Venomous snakes

    Not only your favorite animal, but also your favorite accessory. Who says "boa" has to mean one or the other?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Rats

    They remind people of the filth of existence, which you see everywhere you go.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Your family dog

    Dogs are totally goth, right? R-right?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Vampire bats

    You'd totally transform into one if you could.

  5. 5. What gothic article of clothing or accessory would you never leave the house/coven without?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Cape

    You're not *actually* a vampire, but that can be our little secret.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Slipknot shirt

    Hot Topic's finest.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Ankh necklace

    The Egyptian symbol of eternal life, which is perfect for an undead being like yourself.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Black lipstick

    Every word that comes out of your mouth has to pass through ~darkness~ first.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Parasol and fan

    Satan FORBID the sun ever touch your perfectly sallow skin.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    "Edgy" temporary tattoos

    "You're SURE these wash off in the shower, right?"

  6. 6. What is your most embarrassing moment?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    You tried to dance in seven-inch platform boots at the local industrial club and promptly ate shit.

    You didn't realize that anything more ambitious than shifting daintily from side to side would result in disaster. And, also, that DANCING ISN'T GOTH.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    You thought that Marilyn Manson was an Old Hollywood movie star.

    Everyone else at the seance was like, "WHO INVITED THIS LOSER?"

    Correct
    Incorrect
    You burst into tears in an inappropriate place during an existential crisis and everyone laughed and was like, "Again?"

    Wait, this still happens to you at least once a day because life is UNFORGIVINGLY CRUEL AND FULL OF TORMENT.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    You were supposed to go see a midnight screening of Rocky Horror with your friends, but got grounded for not doing your homework.

    At least now all your cool goth pals won't know you're a V FOR VIRGIN.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    You tried to do a charcoal portrait of a vampire, but everyone in your art class mistook it for the guy from Fall Out Boy.

    You haven't even listened to them since middle school! UGH.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    During a discussion of your favorite literature, you accidentally said you loved Ayn Rand when you meant Anne Rice.

    You've never actually read either, so it was bound to happen at some point.

  7. 7. What is your favorite movie?

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Nightmare Before Christmas

    Aw, look at the cute little skeleton!

    Correct
    Incorrect
    The Crow

    You model your everyday look on his badass leather trench coat/white makeup aesthetic.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Nosferatu

    To you, all other vampires are total poseurs.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    The Craft

    They're JUST LIKE you, except you can't get the Ouija to spell anything but "GKLBH."

    Correct
    Incorrect
    The Birds

    The birds represent the world's bloodthirsty forces trying to oppress your inner spirit.

    Correct
    Incorrect
    Mary Shelley's Frankenstein

    You identify closely with a misunderstood monster forged from an oh-so-twisted world.

 
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