Your hair’s naturally curly, right? How long does this take you in the morning??
This look is achieved by grinding your head into a pillow in agony, then adding hairspray.
Your face constantly looks like it’s exploding out of your own hair.
Brown and boring because your stupid parents won’t let you dye it
“Mom, can I at least do a STREAK?”
Shaved on one side, long on the other
Show a little skull.
Sharp razor bob
Severe, just like you.
2. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Parents visibly steer their children away from you on the sidewalk.
They don’t get that you just LOOK scary! These fangs pop right out, see? Oh, wait, now the kid is sobbing.
No one can pronounce the goth pseudonym you chose to hide the fact that your real name is Susan.
Why couldn’t your parents have named you “Prystess Eliphyre Vampyrina” instead of something so totally weird?
You can’t decide whether to use a free afternoon writing poetry, making music, or painting.
There are just TOO many ways to express the turmoil of your inner soul sometimes, you know?
Mall cops won’t let you loiter in the food court unless you’re eating something.
But you already spent all your money on leather spike collars!
How could you pick when EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS SO PAINFUL?
Your pet peeve is the ongoing struggle of being alive.
Too many people want to date you. It’s, like, so annoying!
The above website will never, ever grace the screen of your laptop, as you’re already rolling in potential paramours.
3. What is your favorite goth band?
“BELA LUGOSI’S DEAD”
Sisters of Mercy
“I HEAR EMPIRE DOWN”
“WHEN LOVE AND DEATH EMBRACE”
“BOYS DON’T CRY”
Nine Inch Nails
“HEAD LIKE A HOLE, BLACK AS YOUR SOUL”
“WAKE ME UP INSIIIDE”
4. What is your favorite animal?
You like that they’re symbols of death.
They represent evil forces at work, just like you.
Not only your favorite animal, but also your favorite accessory. Who says “boa” has to mean one or the other?
They remind people of the filth of existence, which you see everywhere you go.
Your family dog
Dogs are totally goth, right? R-right?
You’d totally transform into one if you could.
5. What gothic article of clothing or accessory would you never leave the house/coven without?
You’re not *actually* a vampire, but that can be our little secret.
Hot Topic’s finest.
The Egyptian symbol of eternal life, which is perfect for an undead being like yourself.
Every word that comes out of your mouth has to pass through ~darkness~ first.
Parasol and fan
Satan FORBID the sun ever touch your perfectly sallow skin.
“Edgy” temporary tattoos
“You’re SURE these wash off in the shower, right?”
6. What is your most embarrassing moment?
You tried to dance in seven-inch platform boots at the local industrial club and promptly ate shit.
You didn’t realize that anything more ambitious than shifting daintily from side to side would result in disaster. And, also, that DANCING ISN’T GOTH.
You thought that Marilyn Manson was an Old Hollywood movie star.
Everyone else at the seance was like, “WHO INVITED THIS LOSER?”
You burst into tears in an inappropriate place during an existential crisis and everyone laughed and was like, “Again?”
Wait, this still happens to you at least once a day because life is UNFORGIVINGLY CRUEL AND FULL OF TORMENT.
You were supposed to go see a midnight screening of Rocky Horror with your friends, but got grounded for not doing your homework.
At least now all your cool goth pals won’t know you’re a V FOR VIRGIN.
You tried to do a charcoal portrait of a vampire, but everyone in your art class mistook it for the guy from Fall Out Boy.
You haven’t even listened to them since middle school! UGH.
During a discussion of your favorite literature, you accidentally said you loved Ayn Rand when you meant Anne Rice.
You’ve never actually read either, so it was bound to happen at some point.
7. What is your favorite movie?
Nightmare Before Christmas
Aw, look at the cute little skeleton!
You model your everyday look on his badass leather trench coat/white makeup aesthetic.
To you, all other vampires are total poseurs.
They’re JUST LIKE you, except you can’t get the Ouija to spell anything but “GKLBH.”
The birds represent the world’s bloodthirsty forces trying to oppress your inner spirit.
Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
You identify closely with a misunderstood monster forged from an oh-so-twisted world.
How Goth Are You?
Like Bella Swan, you’re pretending to be goth because you think it looks cool, but you have no idea what INNER TURMOIL is truly all about. Ohhhhh, you’re soooo sad that two hot monster-dudes are trying to get it. Life is sooooo hard. GO BACK TO HOLLISTER BECAUSE YOU AIN’T GOTH, B.
Oh, honey. Like Robert Smith of The Cure, you are one tragic goth. It was difficult for you to see this quiz through your tears, yes? Congratulations and also I’m sorry: You’re the perfect embodiment of goth misery.
Aw, you’re a fledgling baby goth! SO CUTE! Don’t make that face; it’s not a bad thing, exactly. You’re on the right goth track, but are still figuring out how to properly express your anguish. A tip? Keep away from Hot Topic if you want to be taken seriously.
You’re a fucking FREAK and you want everyone to know all about it and it RULES. You don’t care if some people think you’re the antichrist because you’re too busy smearing fake blood all over everything in sight and then writhing around in it; they just don’t understand self-expression>.
You’re the kind of goth who refuses to be pigeonholed. Much like Trent Reznor’s, your creative genius transcends labels, but you’re totally a dark and dismal goth at heart.