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Leave Courtney alone ???
Also, just knowing most of these exist is quite enough existential horror for tonight thanks. Got any puppy bellies to look at? I need fluff, stat.
Lol, my weird kid made the weird kid list! I should congratulate his accomplishment by surreptitiously filling his backpack with dogfood tomorrow… or not, that is one call from the school I don’t want to get. Maybe just a kibble… he’ll rue that day forever.
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Response to What’s The Most WTF Thing Your Kid Ever Did?:
When my son was about 4 years old, he took everything out of my purse and filled it with dog food, he even put some in all the little pockets I didn’t really use. He put everything back in on top of it, so I didn’t notice until I was going for my wallet in a checkout line. Just dog food everywhere, and so many weird, judgey/disgusted looks from the cashier and people in line as I dig through a bag full of dogfood like a crazy person. And i didn’t know how it got there or why… But I swear people were looking at me like I had done it to myself.
I asked him why he did that and he said “in case I got hungry”. Like, when did I ever indicate I would eat dog food for a snack? So weird, all around.
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So I wasn’t the only 7 year old who decided that nail clippers were definitely made for cutting bangs. Every time I change my hair, mom still brings it up… 26 years later.
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Eleven years ago I had the misfortune of working the SuperTarget customer service counter on Black Friday. That sounds horrific enough, but for the most part it wasn’t that bad, just incredibly busy. We had the queuing area roped off, with a line going around the inside of store and an average wait of probably half an hour… definitely a stressful event for customers and employees alike. But no fights, everyone was mostly in good spirits. This one lady had been sort of milling around, but I just assumed she was waiting on somebody so I didn’t really pay much attention to her. So I said “have a great holiday” to the guest I was finishing up with and then “I can help the next guest.” The next couple in line starts walking up, and the lady, who had been harmlessly loitering before, walks right in front of them. I ask her to please wait her turn, these two had been waiting a long time, and she snaps. She starts going off about our “holiday” theme, and how we are “pawns in the War on Christmas!” She told me that she knew we were forbidden by law and anti-Christian corporations to say “Merry Christmas” (which was totally false, we could say whatever we wanted, I just chose “holiday” because *newsflash* not everyone celebrates Christmas) … so I asked her again, more firmly, to please go to the end of the line, and then she could voice her complaints without inconveniencing other shoppers. So then she went legit insane. The couple I was helping happened to be black, so the lady starts pointing at them & talking about them like they aren’t even there, spouting such fuckery as “You’re a ‘reverse racist’ for helping them first!” And “you’ve been brainwashed, you’re a race-traitor who hates Christ!”… at some point me or someone else called security, so Stephen, our security guy walks up, smirking at this wackadoodle, and says, calmly, trying not to attract more attention, “ma’am I’m going to have to ask you to calm down and please get in line or leave the store.” Well, Stephen was black, and this just pissed her off more. So now she’s beet red and SCREAMING about how we hate white people and Christmas, “they” brainwashed me with “white guilt” and now we’re “taking Christ out of Christmas”… She turns to the audience that she now has, points at me and yells to all “THE DEVIL IS IN HER AND THAT’S WHY WE HAVE TO FIGHT THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS!!!” Stephen had to call backup security, and right before she was physically escorted from the store, the turns around to me, shaking that pointing-ass finger right in my face and says, “laugh it up while you can because you won’t be when you’re soul’s being tortured for your sins in HELL!” And in my most cheerfully robotic customer service voice I smilingly replied, “Since you’ll most assuredly be joining me in Hell, we can further discuss your shopping experience at that time. Until then, thanks for choosing Target, and have a merry Christmas!”
So then she was escorted out, I think they called an ambulance for her or something. I could still hear her screaming from outside. I apologised profusely to couple who had been waiting, no one should have had to deal with that crazy old monster woman, but thankfully they were laughing about the whole debacle and said it was the most entertainment they had in awhile. I got several good comment cards and an extra long lunch break courtesy of the manager that saw the whole shit show go down. Small victories I guess. I’m a weird-shit magnet, but I think that’s one of the weirdest things that ever happened to me. Period. And I’ve had a stranger narrate my putting groceries in my car.
But yeah. That’s the story of how I was personally blamed for the “war on Christmas”!