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    32 Thoughts I Had Watching "Twilight" As An Adult

    Because it seems like the only adult who is concerned about Bella's safety is me.

    The 13th anniversary of Twilight, which released in 2008, just passed, so I decided it was the perfect time to revisit the most unhinged movie of my adolescence. As only a casual viewer of the movies (I watched them all once, a few years ago), the last time I saw Twilight was not through a critical lens. As a teen, I took everything at a very surface-level, face-value kind of way — if Bella was the same age as me, far be it from me to question her decisions!

    Now that I'm an adult, watching Twilight is certainly...different. The movie is just as good (and mildly insane) as I remember, but looking at it from a more mature perspective, I couldn't help but question...well, nearly every minute of it, especially with a new sense of concern for Bella's safety. Below are 32 thoughts I had while watching Twilight as an adult, because sometimes, growth is realizing that the world's favorite vampires are kind of messed up.

    1. First of all — Bella's mom sucks.

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    Sending your teenage daughter to the place you ran away from so you can travel with your baseball-playing hubby seems like maybe not the best parenting.

    2. If the Cullens were looking to avoid gossip, WHY would they move to a small town?

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    Everyone knows small towns hold all the gossip and big cities are where you stay anonymous!

    3. The Cullen fit coordination — is it a choice? A coincidence? Does Esme go shopping for the kids and put them all in matching outfits?

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    I like to picture Rosalie making everyone do a fit check before school, personally.

    4. Edward definitely could have just held his breath in biology and avoided all the drama.

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    He did say in the books that vampires don't need to breathe, they just like to for a sense of smell...

    5. Why does Charlie have a distinctly Southern accent?

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    6. Everybody needs to stop asking Bella how she likes the rain!

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    Leave her alone! Find a new topic of small talk!

    7. Also, Bella possesses a LOT of audacity to confront somebody she's literally met ONCE about what is or isn't their true eye color.

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    She's bold. I'll give her that.

    8. And for somebody who has had 108 years to practice his lying skills, Edward is not very good at it.

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    9. Why doesn't anyone seem to care about the guy who backs out in front of Tyler? The accident was clearly his fault.

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    Tyler did nothing wrong except save himself a steep insurance bill, and I stand by that.

    10. Where does Carlisle have a medical degree from?

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    Is it forged? Did Edward photoshop it for him?

    11. Is it not ringing any alarm bells for anybody that the entire foundation of Edward and Bella's closeness is based on Edward gaslighting Bella in all of their conversations?

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    12. Again, I have to ask — where does Esme get the Cullens' clothes?

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    13. Do all of the Cullens really need to be in high school?

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    I get that the younger they start, the longer they can stay in a city, but having five adopted children all within one year of each others' age is a little strange, Carlisle.

    14. How did the Cullens get away with being pulled out of school to go hang out outside every time the weather was nice?

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    Camping sounds fun, but also, like, y'know. Truancy.

    15. Does Edward have a driver's license?

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    16. Someone needs to give me access to the behind-the-scenes photos of Robert Pattinson in Bella's dream scene with blood dripping down his chin, NOW.

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    17. Does Bella have no concern at all for her well-being?

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    If you're trying to provoke a vampire, why would you lure him into the forest all alone?!

    18. Did Charlie never teach Bella about stranger danger?

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    Pepper spray is clearly not enough, CHIEF SWAN!

    19. Again, Bella, red flags! Are you not concerned that your BF just said he's "never wanted anyone's blood more in [his] life"?

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    I'm worried for you, babe.

    20. How did Bella and Edward fall in love after literally three conversations?

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    And in two of them he was just lying to her the whole time!

    21. I want to know what the Cullens talked about at lunch before Bella came along.

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    Is it silent? Do they gossip about their peers? Study for the quiz in fourth period?

    22. Edward definitely put on those sunglasses just to look cool and have a moment where he was feeling himself.

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    Because it wasn't sunny, Edward, and we all know that — you'd be all sparkly (and probably not at school) if it was.

    23. What does Edward like to watch on the giant TV in his room?

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    National Geographic? Drag Race?

    24. WAS THAT A STEPHENIE MEYER CAMEO?

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    25. Why is *CHIEF SWAN* encouraging his *17-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER* to go out on a Friday night with a literal *MURDERER* on the loose?

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    26. I want to know what Edward and Bella talk about at night!

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    Surely it isn't more proclamations of their undying love, or it'd be included in the scenes. Are they having normal teenager small talk? What's Edward's favorite color? The people want to know! Unmute it!

    27. Did the Cullens order custom-matching baseball uniforms?

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    28. WHY did Charlie allow Bella to leave the house in the dead of night — in a bad mental state — and DRIVE by HERSELF halfway across the country?

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    29. Why couldn't Carlisle be the one to suck the venom out of Bella's hand?

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    30. Is no one in Bella's life suspicious about how she keeps getting very seriously injured in the presence of just the Cullens, with no witnesses?

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    Her cover stories are even more concerning than the reality.

    31. Those other two couples who were in the gazebo at prom before Edward and Bella got there definitely talked shit about them.

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    They left in a suspicious hurry as soon as Edward and Bella arrived...

    32. And lastly...if Bella had, I don't know, started therapy when she moved to Forks, there wouldn't even be a plot at all.

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    Because sometimes, talking about your feelings instead of letting life-threatening situations with an 108-year-old vampire be your outlet does the trick.

    Twilight still hits — it's definitely a timeless movie, one that you can view with a new perspective when you watch it at different points in your life. What was once a film I watched for the sweet, indie-ish love story (and Robert Pattinson) without a second thought for any logistics or safety is now a film I watch only thinking of the logistics and safety (and Robert Pattinson).

    When you rewatched Twilight, did your perspective change over time? Let us know in the comments!