For two days, the weather forecasters warned us that Snowmageddon was about to descend upon us.
Hide your kids, hide your wife and batten down the hatches. We could expect 2, no 3 feet of snow before it was all said and done. Governor Christie called a State of Emergency, shut down New Jersey transit, and cancelled all pizza delivery. Mayor DeBlassio closed New York City at 11pm (except for the bars, of course). And moms all over the NY tristate area descended upon the supermarkets in a blizzard induced maternal frenzy and cleared the shelves of milk, bread, water, and boxed wine in anticipation of a week or more of possible loss of power, flooding, and worse yet, school closings.
The kids, of course, were overjoyed. The dads were contemplating how much chiropractic care they would need after shoveling a path for the dog to go out to pee. And the moms were wondering if it would be safe to drive in two feet of snow so they could dump their kids at someone else's house for a playdate.
We watched The Day After Tomorrow on Netflix to mentally prepare for the end of time. Then we said our prayers, went to bed, and when we woke up, there was...
The Blizzard of 2015 fizzled.
The Snowstorm was a No-storm.
The whiteout was a washout.
"Oops," said the meteorologists.
"Nevermind," said Mayor DeBlassio
"How 'bout them George Washington Bridge lane closings," said Gov. Christie.
In all fairness, there were a few inches. But nothing like the weather forecasters had predicted.
They said a foot... we got five inches.
They must all be men.
Tracy Beckerman is a syndicated columnist and the author of "Lost in Suburbia: A Momoir. How I got pregnant, lost myself, and got my cool back in the New Jersey Suburbs."