Five Gods And Goddesses It Would Totally Suck To Permanently Hallucinate

In Daryl Gregory’s AFTERPARTY we are introduced to the drug Numinous which induces the tangible feeling of the Almighty's love (however the imbiber might be predisposed to imagine Him/Her/It). Unfortunately, an overdose of Numinous can cause a permanent visual and auditory hallucination of however God manifests himself/herself/itself to you... so don't take too much.

Sometimes hallucinating God could be cool

like if your version of God was Alanis Morissette from Dogma

…but other times, it could be really, really awkward.

So let’s take a gander at some of the Pantheon and see who just might be the worst deity to follow you around all day every day because THEY ARE INSIDE THE HOUSE

(and by house, I mean your brain)

1) Chinnamasta

This Hindu and Buddhist goddess of self-sacrifice and sexual restraint cut off her own head and enjoys tromping over lovers while three spurts of blood flow from her open neck and into the mouths of her severed head and two attendants.

First, having the goddess of sexual restraint following you around sounds like the biggest wet blanket ever. Second, I can’t imagine ever being hungry again if some headless monstrosity was squirting imaginary blood at me all the time.

2) Pan

A Greek god and symbol of fertility and virility, known for his ravenous sexual appetite

Basically, imagine Phil from Disney’s Hercules humping the leg of every person you meet for the rest of your life.

3) Sheela Na Gigs

"The old hag of the breasts" is a lustful pagan goddess, found represented in stone figurines from Ireland and Britain, depicting a woman with an exposed and exaggerated vulva. Her image was used to ward away evil.

Now I love nasty old lady parts in my face as much as the next person….I’m just saying it might get wearisome after a while.

4) Baron Samedi

A voodoo god of the dead, most known for his appearance as a reanimated skeleton who wears sunglasses, a top hat, and a tuxedo.

Imagine yourself on a lovely Saturday morning, you’re cozy and nestled in your blankets, basking in the sunlight drifting in through your blinds...and you open your eyes to find Baron Samedi chilling in your arm chair. Now imagine that happening every single day for the rest of your life.

5) Khepri

Egyptian sun god, often believed to be the third form of Ra. He is also the god of scarabs and beetles.

HIS FACE IS A BEETLE. I rest my case.

So in sum, be careful when mixing deities and psychedelics.

This post brought to you by AFTERPARTY by Daryl Gregory

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