1.
[friend asks me to read an article] brain: "am i taking too long? im not even reading it now. oh god" me: [hands it back] "very interesting"
2.
*bumps into a friend haven't seen for a long time me: let's hang out soon my brain: lol why u lying
3.
Brain @ 4am: lemme offer you a selection of the catchiest song lyrics of the last 30 years Me: but sleep- Brain: YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND 🎤
4.
brain: get attached to anybody who gives you attention me: why brain: you gotta
5.
me: brain, where are my keys brain: i have no fuckn idea but here's a loop of the cosby theme song while you look for those motherfuckers
6.
[as something good is happening to me] MY BRAIN: This is fleeting and will inevitably end
7.
me: (holds thing) brain: lick me: why brain: taste
8.
brain: hi me: hey? brain: do your homework me: ✔️ seen: 6:47
9.
Person: *treats me kindly and actually wants to spend time with me brain: they have an ulterior motive Me: what brain: they hate you
10.
Brain: don't say anything weird or inappropriate Me: the decline of consumer capitalism is imminent and inevitable Brain: good
11.
EARS: u hear that? ME: no EARS: definitely someone downstairs ME: probably just the cat EARS: ok … BRAIN: what if it's a clown? ME: I hate u
12.
Brain: lets think positive today Me: really? Brain: yea, you have a lot to be grateful for Me: Brain: jk your lifes a mess, go eat something
13.
*me, in kitchen* Brain: hey your hand is in the garbage disposal so how about some related horror movie scenes Me: NO. Brain: bzzzzzzzzzzzzz
14.
brain: here's a good memory with someone who ended up really hurting you me: why did you bring me this brain: just because
15.
me: (going about my daily business) brain: you know what would be fun right now...if you just burst into tears for no good reason
16.
Me: we have to sleep now. we have to get up in like 4 hrs Brain: sounds like a great time to start learning Polish Me: why Brain: you gotta
17.
Me: time for bed Brain: hi Me: go to sleep Brain: it's not imposter syndrome if u genuinely are shit Me: Brain: 🌚
18.
[bedtime] brain: hey remember that lost episode where the couple gets paralyzed DO THOSE SPIDERS LIVE NEAR US me: SLEEP brain: NO, GOOGLE IT
19.
Me: I'm so tired Brain: Same Me: Time for sleep Brain: K Me: Brain: Me: Brain: WHY ARE THEY CALLED APARTMENTS IF THEY'RE STUCK TOGETHER?
20.
ME: Can we go to sleep? BRAIN: Ok, sure... ME: BRAIN: ME: BRAIN: If you stuck Doritos on the cat, it would look like a cute dinosaur!
21.
Brain: What if trees had dicks? Me: Go to bed Brain: Tree dicks Me: … Brain: Tree dicks everywhere Me: … Brain: ... Me: ... Brain: Treenises
22.
Me:I'm tired Brain:ok Me:let's sleep Brain:ok Me: Brain: Me: Brain:HOW MANY CHAMELEONS MUST WE CARRY SO WE BECOME INVISIBLE?
23.
*Starts to fall asleep* Brain:Jack... Me:Go away. B:Jack... M:No! B:Jack... M:What?! B:Remember when you called the teacher mum? M:*gets up*
24.
Body: time for bed Me: okay Brain: never let your guard down, kony could still be out there
25.
me: I can't sleep brain: you're literally not even trying. you're still on the internet. this isn't my fault for once. it's all u