19 Reasons Santa Is Actually In Favour Of Full Communism Now

    A spectre is haunting Europe – the spectre of SANTA!

    1. He redistributes property.

    2. From each according to their ability (i.e. elves) to each according to their needs (children).

    3. He wears red all the time.

    4. He seeks to destroy all private property, entering peoples’ homes uninvited, representing the long arm of the state.

    5. He oversees the methodical and highly-centralised mass scale production of toys.

    6. He invests heavily in transport infrastructure (sleigh) for the distribution of goods to the people.

    7. His project would be impossible without mass surveillance: Lists of all naughty and nice.

    8. And where does he get his coal, if not through forced labour? 😕

    9. Specifically, forced labour camps in very cold and remote places.

    10. Nationalistic songs (Christmas carols) celebrating the leader (Santa) echo across the land.

    11. Homes and public spaces are adorned with Santa's image to project his authority to the masses and reinforce his total grip on power.

    12. He has a big beard (like Marx).

    commons.wikimedia.org / Thinkstock
    commons.wikimedia.org / Thinkstock
    commons.wikimedia.org / Thinkstock

    13. He has a difficult relationship with religion.

    14. He emerged in his present form in the early part of the 20th century.

    15. He works towards a society without money. The only currency in the People's Republic of Christmas will be the free exhange of toys.

    16. He runs a factory – just like Engels did.

    17. However, he does not appropriate the value of the elves' labour for his own enrichment, but rather the enrichment of all.

    18. He has a secret tattoo of a hammer and sickle.

    19. He was once overheard drunk at a party while at university shouting: “Let the ruling classes tremble at a communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Workingmen of all countries, unite!”

    In conclusion: Santa is a full-on Communist.