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19 Reasons Santa Is Actually In Favour Of Full Communism Now

A spectre is haunting Europe – the spectre of SANTA!

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1. He redistributes property.

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2. From each according to their ability (i.e. elves) to each according to their needs (children).

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3. He wears red all the time.

4. He seeks to destroy all private property, entering peoples’ homes uninvited, representing the long arm of the state.

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5. He oversees the methodical and highly-centralised mass scale production of toys.

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6. He invests heavily in transport infrastructure (sleigh) for the distribution of goods to the people.

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7. His project would be impossible without mass surveillance: Lists of all naughty and nice.

Working towards the eventual abolishment of the state itself, of course.
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Working towards the eventual abolishment of the state itself, of course.

8. And where does he get his coal, if not through forced labour? 😕

Those elves died for the greater good.
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Those elves died for the greater good.


9. Specifically, forced labour camps in very cold and remote places.

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10. Nationalistic songs (Christmas carols) celebrating the leader (Santa) echo across the land.

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11. Homes and public spaces are adorned with Santa's image to project his authority to the masses and reinforce his total grip on power.


12. He has a big beard (like Marx). / Thinkstock / Thinkstock
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13. He has a difficult relationship with religion.

14. He emerged in his present form in the early part of the 20th century.

15. He works towards a society without money. The only currency in the People's Republic of Christmas will be the free exhange of toys.

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16. He runs a factory – just like Engels did.

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17. However, he does not appropriate the value of the elves' labour for his own enrichment, but rather the enrichment of all.

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18. He has a secret tattoo of a hammer and sickle.

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19. He was once overheard drunk at a party while at university shouting: “Let the ruling classes tremble at a communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Workingmen of all countries, unite!”

Marx would later steal the quote.
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Marx would later steal the quote.

In conclusion: Santa is a full-on Communist.