How To Talk To A Woman Even Though She’s A Ghost

You’ve learned how to talk to a woman even though she’s wearing headphones – now here’s how to talk to a woman even though she’s a horrifying apparition from beyond the grave!

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These days, many women float around old tumbledown mansion houses and the places where Victorian slums once stood, glowing faintly and emitting an ethereal wailing noise.

That doesn’t mean you can’t talk to them!

Of course, not all ghostly sprites are open to being approached, because not all ghostly sprites are single and looking. And, of course, some have naught but vengeance on their minds.

However, if a ghost is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even someone to plunge his hands through her icy being), she will almost always be happy to take a break from tormenting the lonesome widow of the manor with her harrowing screams to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.

1. Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you). Hold all of your sacred objects in front of you so that she can feel their power.

2. Have a relaxed, easy-going smile. Do not let your terror show.

3. If she hasn’t already looked up at you, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand. Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can’t ignore it, and to tempt her into the chalk circle you drew on the floor while chanting in Latin.

4. When she looks at you, smile and point to her ghostly visage and say, “Nice ghostly visage” and rattle some rusty chains, so she fully understands.

If she doesn’t understand (most ghosts will), simply gesture that you want to talk to her by briefly pointing back and forth from you to her and saying, “I will never mistreat you the way Baron Dreadstone did all those centuries ago.”

5. Then, do what we call “Acknowledging the Awkwardness” by quickly mentioning something about the awkwardness of the moment, such as “wow you’re a ghost, this is awkward.”

This helps put her at ease and know that you are a cool guy who is really into floating through walls or decapitating unfaithful sea captains, who she can relax and open up to.

You: [Smile in a friendly, confident manner] :-) Hey – I know it’s not normal for people to talk to ghosts, but I was walking along and saw you and thought – wow, what’s this icy wind my body just passed through? I have to say hi. I’m Dan, what’s your name?

Ghost woman: [Usually flattered by the compliment, and prevented from returning to the spirit realm by your Objects of Power] Jessica.

You: [Add in some humour] Cool…nice to meet you Jessica. I don’t normally talk to ghosts, but your unearthly screams were just calling out to me! By the power of my signs and the light of my candle, thrice I summon you, and thrice I compel you to answer me truthfully. Have you thought about wearing your hair down by the way?

Ghost woman: [Most likely laughing, smiling and enjoying the summoning].

You: [Let her know that you have something to do/somewhere to go, so she understands that you’re not going to stand there talking to her for all eternity, the way she’s been haunting the widow of the manor] Anyway, so I’m just out doing a bit of sightseeing at the moment. I’m on my way to a few different haunted manors today. What’s it like beyond the realm of the living?

Then keep the conversation going, get her phone number or transition to ritually binding her using the Words of Making.

1. Approaching in a nervous manner

The first thing a ghost wants to experience when she begins to interact with you is your confidence, and your Objects of Power. If she can sense your nervousness, anxiety or feeling of intimidation, she may haunt you instead of doing your bidding in the Lands Beyond Death.

Ghosts are attracted to the strength in living beings (e.g. confidence, masculinity, warm blood) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. nervousness, anxiety, screaming, hair instantly turning white).

2. Allowing her to move outside the chalk circle

There’s a reason you drew that chalk circle on the floorboards, guys!

3. Allowing her to possess his mortal body

This goes without saying! Once a ghost has sensed your nervousness, the next thing you know your limbs will be moving without your control, and you may find yourself speaking words in a long-dead language. ROOKIE MISTAKE.

4. Not speaking the Words of Making under his breath

This is a classic “nice guy” move, and a big turn-off for hot ghosts.

5. Not flirting enough

Ghosts love flirting! They’re constantly sending out signals that they want to be flirted with. These signals can include: walking the corridors of Dreadstone Hall when the moon is full, eldritch noises, moving paintings or cutlery when your back is turned, pointing in horror at a fireplace while silently mouthing indecipherable words, and generally being translucent.

If you follow these steps for attracting a ghost’s attention and initiating conversation with her, you will find success 90-95% of the time, and the rest of the time you will just anger the ghost and find yourself haunted and miserable for all eternity. Good luck!