Everything You Need To Know About The England Vs. Uruguay Match

Spoiler: may not have gone entirely as England hoped.

1. This was it. The crunch match. The match England had to win.

Oli Scarrf / Getty Images

2. Everywhere was packed as the nation came out to watch the game.

4. Okay, some places weren’t packed.


7. Some people got religion.

C'mon #England #worldcup2014

— Mark Robinson (@robboma3)

8. The nation was READY.

9. We were reminded that England needed a win, and it didn’t matter if it was ugly.

"This is not a beauty contest" - SCREW YOU, COMMENTATOR. I will watch this match however I please. #WorldCup

— IncrediblyRich (@IncrediblyRich)

10. ITV showed a weirdly emotional film about England players.

11. The musical omens weren’t good.

Uruguay's anthem is mad jaunty.

— Eric Freeman (@freemaneric)

Our anthem always sounds like we know we're going to lose. Especially compared to that jaunty little Uruguayan number. #flenslens

— Flenalty Shootout ⚽️ (@flendog_)

It can't help our chances that every other country has a rousing or jaunty anthem and we have such a depressing lifeless dirge.

— Gary (@GaryTomWilliams)

14. Wayne Rooney narrowly missed a free kick…

Matthias Hangst / Getty Images

15. …and everybody was all like this.


Except they weren’t all dressed as crusaders.

16. Liverpool teammates Steven Gerrard and Luis Suarez were getting on really well.

Steven Gerrard goes into a challenge on Luis Suarez #LFC #ENG #URU #WorldCup http://t.co/jT9JMkpsL7

— Goal Photos (@GoalPhotos)

It on! @luis16suarez vs Steven Gerrard. #ENG #URU #LFCworldcup

— FIFA World Cup 2014 (@FastsportsHd)

18. Joe Hart was a commanding presence in goal.

Joe Hart after a routine goalkick

— NW3Gooner (@NW3Gooner)

19. It gradually became apparent that Uruguay were worryingly good at football.

Current feeling watching England... #WorldCup2014 #EnglandvsUruguay #England #WorldCup2014#Worldcup #football

— Sam Donaldson (@threecliffsgold)

20. Important tactical questions were being asked.

ENGLAND whatchu gon do??!

— Rihanna (@rihanna)

21. Then Wayne Rooney rose majestically to… ah, shit.

Kevin C. Cox / Getty Images

Stupid crossbar.

22. Everybody’s mum was like this:

23. And then… Suarez scored. Because of course.

Clive Rose / Getty Images

I mean why would you mark Luis Suarez?

24. And everybody was all:

Amazing Twitter reaction to Suarez goal. My thanks to @capnbobfrapples, @rickharwood, @flashboy & @jamesdeer.

— Chris Mann (@digitalsausage)

25. At least the Scots were sympathetic.

26. People started getting… grumpy with some of the players.

Rooney heat map:

— Cusack (@Cusxck)

27. England were on the ropes. Half time couldn’t come quickly enough.

Traditional half-time piss.

— G10 (@_g10_)

28. The deputy prime minister weighed in with a passionate, heartfelt tweet showing what a regular guy he is. Which went well.

Nick Clegg probably thinks England can lose and still become World Champions by joining forces with Germany.

— Primly Stable (@PrimlyStable)

30. The match restarted. Wayne Rooney continued not scoring goals.

Julian Finney / Getty Images

31. We’re going to be honest, we’re not entirely sure what happened for the next twenty five minutes because we were watching through a haze of tears and beer.

This is painful enough to watch on Twitter. I hate to think what it's like in real life.

— Mark Davies (@markxdavies)


Matthias Hangst / Getty Images

33. Exactly like everybody had predicted.

Always knew ROONEY would do it

— Jak Fuller (@JakFuller7)

Because the nation always knew that Rooney had it in him - ahem

— Rebecca Dougall (@HeadRHSBath)

Always knew Rooney would score in the 75th minute

— STEEZUS (@yungareyan)

36. A nation dared to dream once more.


— James O'Malley (@Psythor)

37. …And then Suarez scored again or something.


Here’s what just happened.

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb)

39. And a nation went back to crying bitter salty tears.

Suarez have me like

— Ry (@FxckRy_)

40. So, yes. We lost. Again.

Roy Hodgson's all like...

— Crap Taxidermy (@CrapTaxidermy)

41. Of course, there’s still hope. England aren’t technically out yet.

Mathematically England can still win if aliens abduct all the other teams. #WorldCup

— paul bassett davies (@thewritertype)

42. We just need this to happen:

If we beat Costa Rica i want a kiss,obviously on the cheek, from the UK Queen..

— Mario Balotelli (@FinallyMario)

43. But we know what to do.

Right, shall we a get hammered then?

— Carl Anka (@Ankaman616)

44. And it’s not like we ever really cared about football anyway.

Right. Cricket it is then.

— Richie Firth (@RichieFirth)

45. Don’t worry everybody. It’ll be okay. It’ll all be okay.

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Tom Phillips is the UK editorial director for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
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