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Everything You Need To Know About The England Vs. Uruguay Match

Spoiler: may not have gone entirely as England hoped.

This was it. The crunch match. The match England had to win.

Everywhere was packed as the nation came out to watch the game.

Okay, some places weren't packed.

Village bar rammed for England game, haha.

There was SO MUCH PATRIOTISM.

I AN WEARING ALL MY RED AND WHITE CLOTHES AT THE SAME TIME. #England

Even Peter Andre.

Some people got religion.

The nation was READY.

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We were reminded that England needed a win, and it didn't matter if it was ugly.

"This is not a beauty contest" - SCREW YOU, COMMENTATOR. I will watch this match however I please. #WorldCup

ITV showed a weirdly emotional film about England players.

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The musical omens weren't good.

Our anthem always sounds like we know we're going to lose. Especially compared to that jaunty little Uruguayan number. #flenslens

It can't help our chances that every other country has a rousing or jaunty anthem and we have such a depressing lifeless dirge.

Wayne Rooney narrowly missed a free kick...

...and everybody was all like this.

Liverpool teammates Steven Gerrard and Luis Suarez were getting on really well.

Steven Gerrard goes into a challenge on Luis Suarez #LFC #ENG #URU #WorldCup http://t.co/jT9JMkpsL7

It on! @luis16suarez vs Steven Gerrard. #ENG #URU #LFCworldcup

Joe Hart was a commanding presence in goal.

Joe Hart after a routine goalkick

It gradually became apparent that Uruguay were worryingly good at football.

Current feeling watching England... #WorldCup2014 #EnglandvsUruguay #England #WorldCup2014#Worldcup #football

Important tactical questions were being asked.

Then Wayne Rooney rose majestically to... ah, shit.

Everybody's mum was like this:

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And then... Suarez scored. Because of course.

And everybody was all:

Amazing Twitter reaction to Suarez goal. My thanks to @capnbobfrapples, @rickharwood, @flashboy & @jamesdeer.

At least the Scots were sympathetic.

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People started getting... grumpy with some of the players.

England were on the ropes. Half time couldn't come quickly enough.

Traditional half-time piss.

The deputy prime minister weighed in with a passionate, heartfelt tweet showing what a regular guy he is. Which went well.

Nick Clegg probably thinks England can lose and still become World Champions by joining forces with Germany.

The match restarted. Wayne Rooney continued not scoring goals.

We're going to be honest, we're not entirely sure what happened for the next twenty five minutes because we were watching through a haze of tears and beer.

This is painful enough to watch on Twitter. I hate to think what it's like in real life.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED. IT FINALLY HAPPENED. WAYNE ROONEY SCORED.

Exactly like everybody had predicted.

Because the nation always knew that Rooney had it in him - ahem

Always knew Rooney would score in the 75th minute

A nation dared to dream once more.

ENGLAND ARE DEFINITELY GOING TO WIN THE WORLD CUP.

...And then Suarez scored again or something.

And a nation went back to crying bitter salty tears.

So, yes. We lost. Again.

Of course, there's still hope. England aren't technically out yet.

Mathematically England can still win if aliens abduct all the other teams. #WorldCup

We just need this to happen:

If we beat Costa Rica i want a kiss,obviously on the cheek, from the UK Queen..

But we know what to do.

Right, shall we a get hammered then?

And it's not like we ever really cared about football anyway.

Don't worry everybody. It'll be okay. It'll all be okay.

View this video on YouTube

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