Things I Wanted To Do
Pitch This American Pizza
This American Pizza would be a special episode of This American Life where Ira Glass just talks about how great pizza is and says absolutely nothing profound or thought-provoking whatsoever. We just listen to him eating pizza and saying, “this is good pizza, America.” I’m sure this would be even more legendary than the famous “War of the Worlds” broadcast.
See if he’d sing the Olsen twins’ “Gimme Pizza” song with me
My brain would have broken if this had happened and if there ended up being a video of this, Youtube would have to close up shop forever because nothing would ever beat that.
Ask him to narrate my pizza eating experience with his golden voice
The perfect meal. If I were on Death Row my last meal request would definitely be pizza with Ira Glass providing step-by-step narration.
Say “I’ll have what he’s having” right after he ordered, because you should always trust Ira
This wouldn’t be creepy at all, it would just show him that I trust his opinions and want to order the same pizza as him because all other slices are incorrect if he doesn’t choose them. Not creepy whatsoever at all.
Convince him to let me try on his glasses so I could say I wore Ira Glass’ Glasses
This would be cool because 1) I would have so much fun saying “Ira Glass’ Glasses” but mostly because 2) I would be wearing Ira Glass’ glasses. I’m sure the world looks very different through those frames.
What I Actually Did
- Donald Trump has often claimed to be "the largest real estate developer in New York," but he isn't.
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