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    An Open Letter To My Most Putrid Drunken Self (You Are Hereby Banned From All Mobile Transmitting Devices)

    Nice show on Saturday night. No really. Just when I thought you’d reached Ultimate Drinking Capacity you go one up on me and just drink even more. The way you down Bud after Bud is just so ladylike and graceful, I don’t even know why you don’t have a boyfriend.