THE WHITE HOUSE – President Barack Obama’s political offensive against opponent Mitt Romney’s foreign policy credentials took a new twist Thursday, after the Democratic incumbent suggested his Republican challenger wouldn’t travel back in time to kill Adolf Hitler, if given the chance.
The President made the comments during an East Room press conference with some Asian guy.
“If you look at Governor Romney’s statements over the years, he has never once said he would travel back to 1930s Germany and kill Hitler if he somehow came across the means to do so,” Obama noted. “Not once. Let me be clear: if I ever came across a time machine, or accidentally fell into wormhole that allowed me to teleport to different eras at will, I would make the gutsy call to travel back to 1932 and stab the worst mass murderer in world history to death with some sharp, pointy object. Like a knife, or possibly a letter opener.
“And make no mistake: if no sharp pointy objects were around, I’d strangle him to death with my leather belt,” the President assured. “Because as Commander-in-Chief, I have a solemn duty to protect the American people. And sometimes that means making gutsy decisions like single-handedly murdering America’s greatest enemies, whether they are in the past, present or future. And yes, I’m talking to you, future North Korean despot Kim Jung Moon.”
For his part, Gov. Romney dismissed the President’s suggestion he wouldn’t time travel to murder the Nazi dictator, saying it’s something even America’s most forgotten president would have done.
“Give me a break, even a minor historical footnote like Millard Fillmore would have gone back in time to kill Hitler,” Romney said at a campaign stop at a Kenny Rogers Roasters in Canton, Ohio. “Well, OK, he’s a bad example since he lived before Hitler. But he would have traveled forward in time to kill him though, you can be darned sure of that.”
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