If You're Looking Forward To Doing Any Of These Things Post-Quarantine, You're Prolly Queer

If you've been holding your breath until the first karaoke bar near you opens up, you might be queer.

It has been a long 15 months for everyone. And now that the world is starting to open up, we're letting ourselves dream about all the things we'll be able to do soon.

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But if any of the following activities make you unreasonably excited, your sexuality likely falls somewhere on that big ol' rainbow spectrum in the sky.

Here they are, in no particular order:

1. Going axe-throwing for the first time because of that scene in The Walking Dead where Maggie stoically throws a dagger at a log target. There's just something about the anger in her eyes...

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And you're not even doing it because you're angry.

Runner up: Going to a rage cage to break glass and dishes. Because maybe you are a little angry.

2. Attending your neighborhood bar's themed trivia night.

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Queer-approved themes are: the Harlem Renaissance, '90s pop star drama, best color combinations for flannel shirts, and queer-coded movie villains.

Runner up: Hosting your own trivia night with questions about all your friends' exes.

3. Hosting a clothing swap event in your living room.

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Runner up: swapping clothes from your "to sell" bag with the person in front of you in the Buffalo Exchange line.

4. Hosting a themed dinner party and then trying not to be visibly upset when one of your guests clearly didn't even try to get a costume together.

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Runner up: Hosting a custom-made murder mystery night based on a true documentary podcast you're newly obsessed with.

5. Sitting in a corner of an independent bookstore, reading a book of poetry and un-dog-earing the pages someone left behind.

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Runner up: Sitting at a cafe, laptop open, eyes drifting out of the window and towards the shapes in the clouds.

6. Hanging out with the cat at a house party. Yeah, you know everyone there and could easily have a conversation with any of them...but the cat thooooo.

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Runner up: taking selfies in the host's bedroom wearing a silk robe you found in their closet.

7. "Shopping" at IKEA (A.K.A pretending to live there while lounging on their Karlstad couch, daydreaming about your crush "living" there, too).

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Runner up: "Shopping" the kitchen section of Home Depot while holding a stack of paint color swatches

8. Cry-singing when the DJ plays a trap version of Driver's License at the club.

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Runner up: crying at the club...for no real discernible reason at all.

9. Walking into a hair salon without an appointment and getting your hair bleached or buzzed.

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I don't know who made the rule, but spontaneous hair changes are queer AF.

Runner up: showing up uninvited at a friend's house afterwards because you're not sure if you like your (lack of) hair, but if they do then actually, yeah you do too.

10. Going to your friend's friend's stick-n-poke party and getting a little dagger on your ribcage. Or a heart on your middle finger. Or brass knuckles on your ankle. You know the vibe.

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Runner up: going to a sleepover at your friend's place and giving each other gel pen tattoos.

11. Asking a stranger when they were born then reading them their entire birth chart two seconds later.

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Just remember to promptly speed-walk away if it turn out they're an Earth sign with a Mars in Cancer. 

Runner up: getting your cards read and correcting the reader when they misidentify the meaning of the eight of cups. What? You have your own tarot deck and you know things!

12. Going to a karaoke bar with the list of bops that came out over the past year that you haven't been able to sing to a room of drunk friends yet.

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Runner up: there is none. Karaoke or bust!

13. Going to Target with no list, just vibes.

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Runner up: going to Costco just to eat all their samples, then feeling so guilty that you end up buying one of each.

14. Having Main Character Syndrome™ while on public transportation.

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Now that you don't have to pay too much attention to who around you is or isn't wearing a mask, you're ready to get lost in daydreams on the train ride home.

Runner up: being so lost in thought that you bump into someone, dropping your bag. They stop to pick it up, you lock eyes, and BAM! Meet-cute. And so is the rest of their face.

15. Getting confused for a Best Buy employee because you accidentally wore a blue polo and khaki pants to Best Buy...again.

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Runner up: happily assisting aforementioned customer even though you absolutely do not work at Best Buy.

16. Taking a musical theater dance class so you can potabure with the best of them. Even if that just means dancing along to bootleg videos of Broadway shows on YouTube.

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Runner up: auditioning for your regional theater's production of RENT. Because if there's anything you're sure of now, it's how many seconds are in a year.

17. Seeing Robyn in concert. Enough said.

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Runner up: seeing Mitski in concert. Actually, that might be a tie.

If you've written about doing any of these in your morning pages over the past year, welcome to the LGBTQIA+ consortium!

Showtime

Meetings are every hump day, 6 PST/ 9 EST. Nice.

Looking for more ways to get involved? Check out all of BuzzFeed's posts celebrating Pride 2021!

Kevin Valente / BuzzFeed