19 Things You Don’t Miss After Graduating College

Don’t take me back.

1. Being stressed all the time.

2. Being laughably broke all the time.

After funneling money into tuition. And booze.

3. The awkward agony of constantly running into your past hookups on campus.

(And generally running into anyone you remotely know.)

4. Not getting any sleep and trying to maneuver your days while mind-numbingly fatigued.

5. And when you do find some extra hours, it’s disrupted by loud dorm sex from above.

6. Having to negotiate with your roommate on who gets sex and who gets sexiled.

7. The entire res-hall knowing when and how frequently you walk-of-shamed.

8. Being called on in class and having to contrive BS ‘cause you didn’t do the reading.

9. Horrible habits you’ve picked up just to stay sane.

10. Your confused diet from the random assortments of dining hall food.

11. And the nutritious alternatives when you got sick of them.

12. Essay deadlines that loom over you for weeks.

Never allowing you to feel fully at ease.

13. Sharing bathrooms with multiple disgusting humans.

14. Who were as lazy as they were gross.

15. The crippling fear of being randomly assigned a roommate.

(Who might definitely be crazy).


(Thank god there’s no thinking after college, amiright?)

19. And the physical pain your mind, body, soul endures as a result of drugs, alcohol, stress, Ramen, and insomnia.

Here’s to a lifetime of undoing the damage.

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