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We Gave Canadians A Grade 5 French Test And They Did Très Terrible

"I'm sorry to French teachers who spent that time."

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For most non-native-French-speaking Canadians, you are mandated to take a thousand years of French classes — and beyond with French Immersion 'cause your parents said "it will help you find a job"— but you've retain virtually nothing.

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So we've put this sad truth to the literal test by giving grown-ups a grade 5-level French quiz.

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It was pretty abysmal right from the jump, where they were asked to simply introduce themselves en français.

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Notice how Sacha frenchified "from." That is a pro former French student tip right there.

This... is going to be a ride.

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Richard here meant "j'ai pris," and a warning for the rest of this post that it is riddled in French grammar errors and terrible Franglish.

Now, onto the test. First up, something we've learned and relearned since grade 1: Conjugez être.

EASY PEASY, RIGHT?
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EASY PEASY, RIGHT?

Nope.

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Nope again.

(Tbh, Richard saying "I feel like my diplomas from high school are going to get revoked" might be the most correct answer of the bunch.)
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(Tbh, Richard saying "I feel like my diplomas from high school are going to get revoked" might be the most correct answer of the bunch.)

The next one was to test their oral French skills.

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Which, again, was minimal and shameful.

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But nothing was quite as painful and ironical as asking our Canadian copines to translate this sentence:

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Jenny couldn't remember how to say it in French, but she had many a-apologies to issue after today.

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It's OK, Jenny, we understand it just takes a little alcohol for the French to all come rushing back ;-).