1.
Me aged 15: I can't wait to be an adult and do what I want! Me aged 28, eating spaghetti at midnight, crying over The Princess Diaries: yes this is exactly what i had in mind
2.
types of vacations I need - a week to deep clean everything I own, twice - a week to just sleep, then sleep some more - a week where I don't speak to anyone - a week where I can cook constantly and never have to clean up - 2-3 days where I don't have to make any decisions
3.
The only two ways to reply to emails: 1. straight away within seconds I have no chill 2. "I am sorry it took me six months to reply, I opened it, thought 'i'll do this later' and then had several large crises"
4.
level 1: venting by crying level 10: venting by faking a conversation in your head with someone level 113: venting by creating an intricate alternate universe scenario in ur head where ur a celebrity on a talk show dramatically explaining the shit u've been going thru
5.
earth sucks nothing works. only like 2 volcanoes ever go off. have to wash dishes before i put them in the dishwasher. so tired of this shit
6.
can’t believe i grew up to be aunt hilda
7.
son? i think it's time for the talk". u see, when 2 grownups love each other very, very much, capitalism forces them to work wildly conflicting hours, and the brief pockets of time they do have together are spent too exhausted to enjoy one another's company
8.
Am I perfect? No. But do I try my best and keep a positive attitude? Also no.
9.
"I REALLY THINK THIS IS THE EYESHADOW PALETTE THAT'S GONNA TURN IT ALL AROUND FOR ME" I scream-cried at the Sephora cashier
10.
me @ $2 sandwich: It’s affordable but is it filling? If it’s filling, will it provide me with enough satisfaction? What is the nutritional value of this...? Maybe I should save my money... me @ $4.75 coffee: mmm cofy
11.
"Can everyone just stop?" I plead. "Stop what?" they ask. I frantically gesture at everything.
12.
Me: Mom, I am an adult, so you need to treat me like one. Also me: Mom, I need some laundry detergent & toilet paper to take home.
13.
i enjoy video games because they let me live out my wildest fantasies, like being assigned a task and then completing that task
14.
"Well, I did everything I could," I said, having given up quite easily.
15.
[me, always] i hate literally everyone [someone hurts my feelings] why is this happening. how can u do this to me, the prince of kindness
16.
Being an adult is basically just texting your friends back and forth saying stuff like, "work is crazy" & "i'm so tired" until one of you dies
17.
i can't believe i have to keep washing this stupid body until i die
18.
Me, an adult: texts my mom at almost 11pm to ask how long I hard boil eggs for
19.
Sometimes I'll take a nap to fast-forward a couple of hours I'm too bored to live through
20.
Being an adult is just a constant series of idk, idc, and lots of wtf.
21.
Me ignoring someone vs me being ignored
22.
99% of being an adult is figuring out whether you're hungry, horny, or tired and trying to remember why you're mad at someone.
23.
Me as a kid: I can’t wait to travel when I get older and see the world!! Me as an adult: I can’t find the remote and I don’t feel like looking for it, so I’m just going to watch this and wait for it to show up.