What Your Goon Brand Says About You

The supreme silver sack can say a lot about you as a person. (Feature: snowdomes.wordpress.com)

Golden Oak

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You're undoubtedly a university student, probably in first or second year. Golden Oak to students is about as much of a staple as books, pens, and computers. Perhaps even more so. You spend your Wednesday night sipping out of this bad boy and your Thursday regretting life choices and crying into your Mi Goreng, only to be lured back into the 2 for $20 deal days later.

Coolabah

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Wherever you went probably just sold out of Golden Oak. Or perhaps Coolabah's on sale. You're not good at making decisions, because why the fuck would you be drinking this otherwise? Alternatively, you're a complete daredevil who was double-dared to drink this monstrosity. Either way you'll be passed out by midnight.

Sunnyvale

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You're a little naive, but it's not a bad thing - you just want to see the best in people. Just like you thought 'oh wow, Sunnyvale is a nice name for goon, I wonder if it tastes better?'

It's cute for now, but one day you'll grow to be sour. Just like your drink.

Stanley

Facebook: stanley.sack / Via facebook.com

You're someone who always keeps an eye out for something a little bit bigger and better, while predominately staying in your comfort zone. Stanley greets you like a long-lost, slightly improved friend. Old Stan will still screw you around somehow, but at least you feel slightly classier. At the time anyway.

Sovereign

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By the time you reach Sovereign you're a pretty seasoned goon-drinker. You give a night out 110% - probably why you need that extra 10% in the cask.

You'll start and end the night as life of the party, but to the extreme - it's really only a matter of a cup to determine if you stay dancing at the club or swimming in the fountain in the middle of the mall... During winter.

Berri Estates

wineboss.com.au / Via wineboss.com.au

You've either given up on all other brands or you're one of those people that enjoys Fruity Lexia for what it's apparently meant to be - a crisp drink, taken in moderation and eaten with some delectable seafood. Well I mean, that's what the box says, but 5 litres of that stuff? You're more likely to be hiding prawns around your house as a hilarious prank for your housemates rather than delicately eating them with an aura of sophistication.

De Bortoli

debortoli.com.au

You are one classy and cultured individual - but still not as upper-class as you wish to be. You screw your nose up at the Golden Oak drinkers, and vehemently deny you're a goon drinker... You're drinking Sem Sav after all!

Still out of a silver sack mate. You are one of us.

Daybreak Estates

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You're well past your teen years and want to feel young again - so you go buy one of these for about $14-15, for a little bit of drinking and a little bit of cooking. A touch easier on the nose and palate, you slowly sip at your Daybreak fruity lexia (probably with added juice) while thinking of the good old days. Oh to be young and reckless again!