I'm Not Crying At The "Bachelor In Paradise" Finale, You Are
Oh God, I nearly... believe in love? Key word being nearly.
Good evening! In the word's of Guy Sebastian: "It's been a long and winding journey. But I'm finally here tonight."
Osher dramatically pirouettes in for one last time wearing some suave purple combo, telling us all the couples will get a ring of some sort tonight.
Uncle Sam and Tara wake up all loved-up, talking about how they like each other's teeth and stuff.
I took a short break while Grant and Ali hopped in a pool and talked more about Ali moving to LA.
Keira and Jarrod talk about starting their own life together. Jarrod still hasn't started using sunscreen.
I took another short break while Jake and Megan talked about their next steps.
Megan decided they shouldn't go to the commitment ceremony and be forced to become Facebook official, or whatever the ceremony actually means.
Jarrod gears up to tell Keira he's fallen in love with her.
Oh yes, Keira also tells Jarrod she loves him.
Next up to declare their love: Grant and Ali.
Lmao, so Grant didn't propose. And Ali was... well... not that happy. She didn't say she hated her commitment ring, but her face looked like this:
More importantly, it was finally time for Uncle Sam and his frullet to not only declare his love to our Queen Tara, but TO GODDAMN BLOODY PROPOSE TO HER, HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS.
EVEN OSHER SCREAMED FROM HIS EYEBALLS WITH HAPPINESS. I THINK.
Seriously, I have this weird ache in my chest, I think it's my... heart?
And that's a wrap, folks! I'd say see you next time but, like most of the couples on this franchise, it's time for us to part ways.
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