1. You haven't been to Italy.
2. You can't speak Italian.
3. You don't date other Italians.
4. You can barely pronounce Italian surnames.
5. You get admonished from your relatives for pronouncing the name of Italian dishes incorrectly.
6. You don't really like Italian food all that much.
7. Like, you could definitely go without cheese in your life.
8. You rarely frequent Italian restaurants.
9. So when someone says "We should go out for Italian!" you're like "I guess. If we have to."
10. When your nonna asks what you cook for dinner, and you say "stir-fry", you bring shame upon the family.
11. You eat pizza from Dominos.
12. You rarely cook spaghetti.
13. You buy gnocchi from the store even though you know it definitely doesn't taste the same.
14. You don't rarely care about the brand of wine you drink, just as long as there's wine.
15. You totally ignore family gossip.
16. And no matter how hard you try, you can't keep track of all your relatives.
