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Take A Seat UK, And Explain WTF Is Wrong With Your Food

I'm in shock.

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1. Hi UK. I was watching Broadchurch the other day (excellent show by the way), and this atrocity caught my attention.

I was like, "what in the fresh hell?!" then immediately Googled what this was. Before you get mad and start yelling that Scotch eggs are the best thing since a nice cup of tea, I just wanna say... please look at the description from my point of view. "A Scotch egg consists of a hard-boiled egg wrapped in sausage meat, coated in bread crumbs and baked or deep-fried." WHO. THOUGHT. OF. THIS?!

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3. Like, we need to talk about whatever the fuck is happening here in this sandwich.

Twitter: @iCandy_pw

My extensive research tells me it's something called a "cheese & Branston pickle sandwich." My extensive research also tells me, it looks fucking horrible.

4. I first learned about haggis when reading Harry Potter. Sometimes I wish I never read that part.

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13. Is this... meant to pass as a meal?

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I searched desperately to try and find out the point of this. Apparently this "fine seaweed" is like a "purée" and is commonly enjoyed on hot, buttered toast.

Oh, sorry were you waiting for me to say something else? I've just been sitting here in sadness and confusion for the last 10 minutes.

14. You lost me (once again) at the description of this: A semi-hard cow's milk cheese.

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Then it got worse: Before being left to mature, this cheese is wrapped in nettle leaves to form an edible, though mouldy, rind.

I just dry-retched.

16. Do you have to add the Sav Blanc in the hopes that you'll get drunk and forget whatever travesty you just ate?

17. And finally, your need to combine foods to make them even weirder, is just so bizarre.

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Ahhh UK. I love things in pastry so I can see where you're going here. Who doesn't love a sausage roll? An apple pie? They're so great! On THEIR GODDAMN OWN. Why are you combining a pastry with a savoury end, and a sweet end? IT'S SO STRANGE. And then give it the name Bedfordshire clanger? WAT?!

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