Hi there. Ready for another night of sweat, tears, and drama?
Tonight two new ladies triumphantly enter paradise, ready to shake things up. Yep, Sasha and Rachael are here!
Ok, ok. Let's take a refresher. They're both from Richie's season. Sasha was the one who ate a rose that time, and Rachael allegedly made it to home visits.
In case you also forgot about Richie (same), here's a good refresher for you.
Anyway, sorry. Back to Sasha and Rachael. Sasha seems to be here because she got invited, and Rachael says she's sick of guys ghosting her.
Keira's given a date card, because the Bachelor editors are clearly trying to inflict some Tuesday torture on us, their loyal viewers.
"This is EXCITING!" Keira screams, looking totally not excited.
"We jokingly talk about having kids, but like joking though, calm down!!!" Jarrod yells at the camera.
Meanwhile, Rach is chilling with Apollo and Uncle Sam while Simone seethes with jealousy and rage behind her.
"Rachael has come in all nervous and quiet, and now she's had a few vodka sodas and it's like a DEMON HAS COME OUT!" Simone demonically screams at the camera.
Back on Jarrod and Keira's date, Jarrod is basically ready to put a ring on it. "I don’t want to scare her off but doesn’t mean I can’t grow feelings quicker," he threatens.
Osher comes strutting out of nowhere, looking like a man that is smugly thrilled about causing some paradise chaos. And that he does – he pulls Megan away from the crowd without any explanation.
Rachael tells Simone she's into American Jared, and Simone not-so-subtly encourages her to go talk to him.
Rachael and American Jared go frolic down by the water, like two people who have been forced to hang out together because there are no other connections blooming for them.
Thomas is back looking all moody by the water, lmao. As he struggles to remember if his father was disappointed in him being a merman, Osher pops up to break his pensive moment.
American Jared pulls Leah away for a chat and they toast marshmallows by a bonfire. Jared also takes the time to gently toast Leah's heart.
Jake is confident that he and Megan will be fine, and tells his mates that he's not a jealous person by nature. "This place makes that happen though!" Simone shrieks.
It turns out Megan is doing extremely fine without Jake. Thomas and Megan have taken to getting to "know each other" in the water which means, yes, we finally see that Thomas is indeed the one Megan was making out with.
Eventually Megan returns with Thomas, and Jake looks like this:
Tomorrow night: Will Megan pick Jake or Thomas? Will Leah actually leave paradise instead of threatening to? Will I order pad Thai or pizza, or actually just panic-order both?