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Dear America, Sorry, But Your Chocolate Fucking Sucks

It's really bad.

Posted on

Hi America. You're good at a lot of things and should be proud of many accomplishments.

ABC

Like your cheap alcohol and ability to free-pour...

The fact you birthed stars like Leonardo DiCaprio...

Warner Bros. Pictures

And we admire your ability to really celebrate things. Fourth of July, Halloween, etc etc.

Well done.
Paramount Pictures

Well done.

But America, dear friend, we need to talk about something VERY IMPORTANT.

ABC

Your chocolate fucking sucks.

FOX

It's not exactly your fault, you probably don't know any better really. But that's why we're here to kindly point it out to you, THAT YOU ARE NOT EXPERIENCING LIFE TO THE FULLEST.

NBC

There's no way to put this politely, your Kit Kats are extremely crap.

Y'all need some Nestlé in your life.
Nestle

Y'all need some Nestlé in your life.

Are Hershey's chocolates really as good as it can possibly get?

I am weeping for your poor souls.
nitecloak.wordpress.com

I am weeping for your poor souls.

FFS, you've even ruined Cadbury.

What's wrong with this picture?
thehersheycompany.com

What's wrong with this picture?

And well... this debate has spanned years.

Why though??
google.com

Why though??

America, we're not mad, we're just disappointed.

Universal

So next time you visit Oz and eat chocolate, you'll finally understand what we're talking about.

None of it tastes like vomit. Your life will be forever changed.
blogger.com

None of it tastes like vomit. Your life will be forever changed.