2. “Oh no! That’s a date I can’t make it! Stupid work dinner urgh, I’ll see if it can be changed.”
Truth: There’s a 95% chance I do not want to go to this event, but just in case I change my mind, I’ll give myself a way back in.
3. “Oh we have a work dinner? I have my housemate’s birthday that night!”
Truth: Have I already used the housemate’s birthday excuse?
4. “Oh you need to cancel tonight? That sucks.”
Truth: I am secretly relieved.
5. “Oh yeah, I had a great weekend! Caught up with heaps of people, it was awesome.”
Truth: I caught up with all my pals on One Tree Hill and I have no regrets.
7. “Sorry I missed your call! My phone was on silent.”
Truth: Seriously, text me.
8. “Awesome party! Sorry I have to bail early, huge day tomorrow.”
Truth: This was fun, but also talking to so many people has left me drained.
9. “I double-booked myself! Let’s postpone, let me know when you’re free next?”
Truth: I accidentally booked myself into way too many social gatherings this week and realised this was my one free night to be alone, and you’re the unfortunate person I’m bailing on.
10. “Hi, I was told to come in store to pay the rest of my furniture lay-by off, but is there anyway I can do it online?”
Truth: Can I just do everything online for the rest of time?
12. “This week has been crazy socially. I’m just going to chill out on Friday night I think.”
Truth: I literally need a break from people before I spontaneously combust.
14. “Shall we catch up and go to the movies?”
Truth: Shall we catch up and go into a dark cinema where we get a break from talking for at least two hours?
15. “Ahh yeah, I took my birthday off Facebook, I just want it super private you know?”
Truth: I really did not want to deal with “are you going to have a party?!” pressure.
16. “Gotta run, see you soon!”
Truth: That was a fun five minutes but I’m out of conversation, bye!
17. “I’m a shit friend, I’m sorry.”
Truth: Literally, I am a bad person, I’m sorry.