You've watched every episode at least once.You've watched every episode at least 10 times.You've watched every episode at least 50 times.You've watched every episode at least 100 times.You sometimes still watch it before you fall asleep.You always do the four claps during the opening sequence without missing a beat.You went to a last-ever "Friends" party.You hosted a last-ever "Friends" party.You cried at a last-ever "Friends" party.More than once.You know which "Friends" character you are.And which "Friends" characters all of your friends are.Even Gunther.And Fun Bobby.And Ugly Naked Guy.You know The Routine.You know all the answers to the apartment quiz in "The One With The Embryos".Miss Chanandler Bong still makes you chuckle.You can't imagine a world in which Phoebe and Chandler were supporting characters.Or in which Monica and Joey were a couple?Or in which Rachel and Ross didn't end up together.That's why you avoid Season 3, Disk 3.You have very strong opinions about whether Rachel and Ross were on a break.But you know that it didn't really matter because he was her lobster.You're looking for your lobster.And your hand twin.You needed a few days to recover when Phoebe said good-bye to the triplets.And when Monica and Chandler found out they couldn't conceive.And when Rachel gave birth to Emma.But not when Joey proposed to Rachel. That was stupid.Rachel and Joey were stupid.You never understood why Joey let Rachel and Emma live with him after they broke up.Or why Emily went through with that wedding.Or why her accent was so ridiculous.If you had a time machine, you'd go back in time to a Way, No Way gig.Or back to Barry and Mindy's wedding so you could give Monica a hug.And tell her than breaking up with Richard was the right thing to do.Because Chandler is her lobster.You have a favorite "Friends" wedding.It definitely isn't Ross and Emily's London wedding.It probably isn't Ross and Rachel's Vegas wedding.Hang on. You can't pick. Monica's was perfect and Phoebe's was different. They draw.Although you love Mike, it broke your heart when David moved to Minsk."Va fa Napoli" is your favorite insult."How you doin'?" is your favorite chat-up line."Smelly Cat" is your favorite song.Regina Phalange is your favorite fake name.Except Princess Consuela Banana Hammock.Or maybe Crap Bag.You can make "Grandma's chicken salad" sound sexy.You yell "pivot" whenever you lift something heavy.You run like you did in primary school.And you'd never make a list of someone's flaws.You have some thoughts about Richard.Particularly his mustache.And the time Monica tried to date his son.You thought it was awful.But maybe that's because you're a humid, pre-possessing Homo sapians with a full-sized aortic pump.Or because you have Unagi.And that's just kick-you-in-the-crotch, spit-on-your-neck fantastic.You have a favorite guest star.It's Alec Baldwin as Parker.No. It's Brad Pitt as Will Colbert.No. It's Bruce Willis as Paul Stevens.He's a neat guy.You were very upset when Ross tried to seduce his own cousin.And when he went on a date with Rachel's sister.But it's OK because he's got lovely hands.You've watched every cast interview ever.Including their reunion on "The Oprah Winfrey Show".Which made you cry.Especially when Jennifer Aniston talked about letting go of Rachel as a "mourning process".Every time you see Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox photograph together, you feel warm inside.Because they're best friends IRL.You wish "Friends" had never ended.But you know it was for the best.You tried to watch "Joey".But it wasn't the same.The friends Joey had on that show aren't the kind of friends who'd pee on your jellyfish sting.Or pluck your eyebrows for you.You know it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal.And also that condoms are only 97% effective.You have a Central Perk coffee mug.You've visited a Central Perk-inspired cafe.And been annoyed that it wasn't an exact replica.It annoys you that Monica's apartment changes number.And Barry's surname changes.And that Ross is 29 years old for three years.And that Chandler pretends he can't cry.And that Carol was pregnant for so long.You've stayed up all night to watch a whole series back-to-back.You have a favourite series.It's not Series 10.You grew up with "Friends".In fact, you can't imagine life without "Friends".Sometimes you think you know the characters better than your real friends.You lived through all of their breakups.And job developments.And you felt real emotions every time.Basically, you couldn't BE any more of a "Friends" fan.
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