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Dos And Don'ts For Anyone Going To Black Church On Easter

Because you know it's the only Sunday you go to church all year.

1. Do wear pastels.

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2. Don’t wear a suit with more than two or three buttons on it unless your name is Steve Harvey.

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3. Do get there early if you expect to get parking and/or sit with who you came with.

Parking on #easter at church black people always wanna pop up easter

4. Don’t be those people who stress the ushers out because you can’t sit where you want.

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This isn't dinner theater.

5. Do remember that it's "Resurrection Sunday" and not "Easter."


Even though the pastor will probably remind everyone that the Easter bunny is not the one who died for their sins at some point during his sermon.

6. Don't forget to grab a fan when you walk in because it will get hot.


We don't need any more people passing out. There will be plenty.

7. Do expect everyone to be shady and look your way when they ask visitors to stand.

Don't stand. You'll regret it, I promise.

8. Don’t expect to be able to have a good view of the pulpit because church hats.

9. Do get comfortable — you’re going to be there for about 4.5 hours, nap included.

10. Do expect someone’s baby to start crying during service.

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Don't expect them to leave even though they're disturbing everyone.

11. Don't forget to bring lotion to soothe your hands after they go raw from clapping during the 30-minute choir song (song = five mins; praise break = 25 mins).

12. Do get ready to find out every single person in your neighborhood who has “the cancer” or “the sugar” when they read the sick and shut-in list.


Don't roll your eyes when they put a "the" in front of every sickness.

13. Don’t talk back when Deaconess Johnson says something slick about you and/or your family.

14. Do expect a bunch of people you don’t know or remember to know everything about your life because your mama been bragging about you during Bible study.

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Don't admit you don't remember who they are when they ask you.

15. Don't forget to download the Bible App before church so you don’t take all day to find the scripture because you forgot which order the books of Matthew, Mark, and Luke are in.


16. Don’t get excited when the pastor says, “I won’t keep you long” because he will.

17. Do give major side-eye to the person in your pew who yells, “Take your timeeee!”

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18. Do expect the aisles to turn into a fashion runway during offering.

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19. Don’t take a bathroom break during the altar call because the congregation will start clapping thinking you’ve decided to give your life over to Christ and/or join the church.

20. Don’t be surprised when the pastor doesn’t just cut to benediction after everything on the program has been done; he’s still about to chat with you all for another hour about nothing.

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21. Do expect the church let-out to be more lit than the club’s.

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22. Do run for the nearest exit when the cat daddies try to say hello.

23. Don't be surprised when your mom takes an extra 30 minutes to mingle after service like you’re not hungry.

Code Red Films Duly Noted

24. Do go on ahead and tithe for the year because you know you won’t be back until Christmas.

25. Don't forget to also bring cash for the "new building fund" offering.

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26. Do expect the building to look exactly the same next year.