10 Things English Majors Are Tired Of Hearing

We know! We know! We've heard it all before. But guess what I'm still gonna be an English major after you tell me all the things that's wrong with me for choosing to major in English.

1. "Is it too late to change your major?"

Yes...yes it is.

2. "English is useless."

Uh-I'm sorry. What language did you say that in? English? Yeah thought so! How did you learn to use your imagination as a child? Through stories? Yeah thought so! How did you learn about what's going on around the world? Through persuasive articles? Yeah thought so! How did you learn to analyze and create your own opinions on major issues of life? Through reading about people who wrote about all of their ideas? Yeah thought so! What do employers look for in future employees? Written communication skills? Yeah thought so! How did you get into this college? Through a written essay? Yeah thought so! How did you apply for your job? Through a well presented coherent email and cover letter? Yeah thought so! What did the greatest writers and minds that will go down in history through their magnificent works that defined and changed society for generations major on in college? English? Yeah thought so! I could go on and on folks.

3. "So do you want to be a teacher?"

I've got nothing against teachers, at least the good ones. But not every single English major in the world wants to be a teacher, including myself.

4. "Tsk. Tsk. That wasn't very grammatically correct of you, English major!"

No. Stop. Do I call you out if you make a mistake talking about the theory of whatever the heck you were talking about a second ago? Anyways, you non-English majors don't understand that sometimes we break the rules for dramatic effect!

5. "But English majors don't make any money."

J.K. Rowling, JRR Tolkein, C.S. Lewis, Ernest Hemingway, George Orwell, John Steinbeck, Shakespeare. Yeah, I heard they were all dirt poor. Yeah I'm an English major and yet somehow I am still living with a roof over my head and food in my belly. Who knew? Is any job really that reliable in this economy anyway? You don't see people interrogating the business majors for their life choices even though we're living in a recession.

6. "So do you want to go to graduate school?"

Again, no problem with graduate school. But it's not a given for every English major living under the sun.

7. "But what can you do with English?"

Well, anything! Law, business, teaching, advertising, communications, journalism, writing. The opportunities aren't as limited as you think. And every job requires good written communication and analytical skills which you learn from being an English major!

8. "You want to be a writer! Wow, what do you want to write about?"

Thank you for your great interest! But asking me what I want to write about is like asking what is the meaning of life? How am I supposed to tell you that or the plot of all my future novel ideas in less than two minutes?

9. "Will you edit my essay for me?"

Not gonna lie. I kinda like hearing this. Editing is fun! But then again, after the 50th time you've got to spread your wings...and learn some English!

10. "But wouldn't you rather major in something more stable...better?"

No. I'd rather study what I love and follow my dreams even if that means being poor and happy. At least I wouldn't have conformed to what the world wants of me. And who knows? Maybe I will become the next Ernest Hemingway and win the Nobel Prize. What then?

Fuck yeah! Go English Majors!!!