Since March 2020, I've noticed that my "type" has drastically changed.
Before COVID, I found my tastes mostly oscillating between Kronk-like h*mbos and bar*stas with tortoiseshell glasses and strong brand loyalties to Carhartt. But now........
......IT'S ALL SETH ROGEN, BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's ✨the laugh✨. The salt-and-pepper hair. The demolition of racists – and specifically Ted Cruz — on Twitter. The cannibis entrepreneurship. And not to mention the VASES!!!!!!!
Of course, it's also these new pics from British GQ that cause my mind to wander, uh...elsewhere.
In this case, elsewhere is a moss-laden garden where I innocently stumble upon Seth Rogen and he asks me if I would like to watercolor with him and I say yes and then we kiss a little bit. It's very innocent, yet tender, and I feel so safe???
Like, literally name ONE MAN who, if he invited you back to your house to look at his 🚨"CERAMIC VASES"🚨, you'd feel safe with. I'LL GO FIRST:
Also, in this video for British GQ, ✨Seth✨ says he just washed his hair with soap until recently, and usually I'd totally bully a guy for that, but with ✨Seth✨, I'm like......into it?
Like, you just KNOW this man smells like peppermint Dr. Bronner's and the Devil's side salad. And I would like to experience it!
I'm sorry, but JUST LOOK AT THIS LIL' DIMPLED RAY OF SUNSHINE. I think we should kiss and see if we like it.......???
This may be too much of an escalation, but @Seth Rogen, PLEASE SWADDLE ME IN ONE OF YOUR MANY CASHMERE CARDIGANS AND [REDACTED] MY [REDACTED] UNTIL IT'S THE CONSISTENCY OF SILLY PUTTY AND YOU [REDACTED] ALL OVER THE VASES BELOW!!!!!!!!!
Anywho, while ultimately I know it wouldn't work between us because Seth and I are both Aries suns with earth moons (and because he's married to a lovely lady, of course), I can't help but lust after the my unproblematic king/Weed Daddy™.
I love you, Seth. Thank you for being you, and thank you for your contributions to society, ceramics, the cannabis industry, and for these new thirst traps. YOU are ***THEE*** moment, and you deserve EVERY LAST DROP OF OUR THIRST, KING!!!!!!! 😌💕✨
