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    Posted on Jan 30, 2018


    They attacc, they protecc, but most importantly, they relaccccccc.

    1. "Bring me my scotch."

    2. "Wait, is Meryl ACTUALLY gonna be on Big Little Lies?!"

    3. "Jeez, you drive like an escaped felon, Richard!"

    4. "Shit! Is it my turn to pick the kids up from school?"

    5. "Cheryl, I know you wanted to spice things up in the bedroom, but THIS?!?!?!"

    6. "All that's ever on the news these days is incoherent barking."

    7. *Drags cigarette* "The company is downsizing and the first division they're making cuts to is — you guessed it — sales."

    8. "I brought orange slices for halftime for the little soccer stars!"

    9. "If I'm being totally honest, I'm a little worried about your excessive butt-sniffing, Denise."

    10. "This episode of Black Mirror is getting too real..."

    11. "When will my husband return from war?"

    12. "I know the breakup's been hard man, but you gotta get back in the game."

    13. "Men can be so heartless, Jessica. I need another mimosa."

    14. "There, there. It okay."

    15. "Nothing to see here, just a man and his plushy cowboy..."

    16. "We'll get the assorted cheese platter to start. Right, my love?"

    17. "Crackin' open a cold one with the boys, gnawing on tennis balls... This is frickin' chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill."

    18. "I know this sounds silly, *girlish giggle* but I feel like I've known you forever..."

    19. "If I sees a bench, I sits."

    20. "You gonna pass the popcorn or what?"

    21. "So what job are you hoping to get with that degree in ceramics? I think everyone here would LOVE to know."

    22. *Listens to "A Thousand Miles" by Vanessa Carlton in a prius*

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