DISCLAIMER: The following tweets have made me laugh. Like, preeeeeeeetty hard. So if you like what you see, be sure to click through and follow your faves to make your Twitter timeline a funnier place!!!!!!! 😌
1.
me: i’m not clingy at all ! also me:
2.
i’m sorry i roasted you i was trying to flirt
3.
i’m just a hot girl, standing in front of a poorly dressed, objectively unattractive guy, telling him it’s fine if he doesn’t want a relationship, but could he maybe text me more consistently? he says no.
4.
I’m his girlfriend you’re his mom we are exactly the same
5.
I give every guy I date a 3 red flag rule. The rule is if I find three or more red flags then I become colorblind for the remainder of our toxic relationship
6.
Anyone recognise this hair? Found it on my man’s pillow
7.
one time this girl invited me over at like 2 am and i thought it was for sex but she just sang to me n held my hand....
8.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
9.
Guy I’m hooking up with: stop telling your friends about us Me to my friends: anyway then he referred to us as “us”
10.
Kim saved her husband’s number with his name "Kanye" but 1 week into a relationship and your boyfriend’s name is "My destiny" https://t.co/u4RymubbDs
11.
Girls are shit with birthday gifts you’ll hint for a Rolex all year & she’ll turn up with a jar that’s filled with 22 things she loves about you lol
12.
I was on tinder and accidentally swiped left on a guy I had a HUGE crush on and I obviously wanted to match him, so I literally BOUGHT tinder premium for $9.99 JUST to go back and swipe right on him ....we didn’t match
13.
straight girls are like “yeah the guy i’m dating is really mean to me but maybe it’s my fault bc i’m not a great communicator and i never directly told him i wanted him to be nice to me”
14.
sorry I don’t do casual sex however I do have sex with men who spend every second of their free time with me and tell me they’re in love with me but haven’t asked me to be their girlfriend and never will
15.
Once upon a time, this guy id been flirting with came over to watch Shrek 2 with his arm around me until 5 AM and then just promptly left, leaving me more bamboozled than any other man ever has. This is what I now call "getting Shrek 2ed", my contribution to the English language
16.
I met this dude on tinder and asked what his last name was.. he told me, then replied “ you doing a little background check? You might find out I’m a murderer, just ignore that 😘 “ okay so a good sense of humor.. well I googled him and he was a murderer. https://t.co/II55zBGfNj
17.
notice which guy got the saved contact https://t.co/ArNxDgUYOe
18.
dating my last boyfriend was like being on the bachelor but not knowing I was on the bachelor
19.
Me: should I just text him again? everyone: https://t.co/7YHs9Sjhv5
20.
this is a weird age because half of my friends are in serious relationships and the other half are drunk or high by 3pm