Here are a bunch of tweets about astrology and ~witchy-ness~ that have made me, a self-identifying Astrology Girl™, laugh. A LOT. If you also think these tweets are funny, be sure to follow the accounts to make your Twitter timeline a funnier (and witchier!!!) place! 😌💫
1.
I like astrology because I can bully people just for being born
2.
men hating women for liking astrology .. u literally play a game of spreadsheets where u pretend to be the manager of a football team
3.
people will believe in the government but not astrology
4.
2 months ago him: ur a witch wtf now him: do the cards i need advice
5.
you are not the daughter of the witches they couldn’t burn. you are the daughter of the senior VP of consumer lending at a mid-sized regional bank
6.
fuck your astrology sign what type of antidepressants are you on
7.
Girls with Ouija board: omg ok does Josh have a crush on Katie Me, the spirit of a Medieval serf: man I don't fuckin know. Sure
8.
economy is fr just astrology for straight men. they get so moody cause the NASDAQ is in retrograde
9.
ladies you have $5 to build the perfect man $300 - tall $200 - smart $400 - has a good job $3 - his driving makes your stomach upset $2 - makes fun of you for believing in astrology $500 - attractive
10.
girls believe in astrology but don’t believe in themselves. breaks my heart
11.
saying “astrology isn’t real” - boring - tired - makes u seem like a bit of a dick saying “I hate when ppl have fun” - more accurate - doesn’t drag astrology into it - more aligned w ur taurus rising anyway
12.
Robert pattinson, a taurus, said that his favourite scent is “when you’re in love with someone, and the smell is incredible” because it “brings out an animal side of being human.” A fucking taurus said this BUT astrology isn’t real..
13.
In Astrology we dont say “my love life is so shitty” we say “saturn is in my 7th house” and I think thats beautiful
14.
no one: people who love astrology getting ready to read you based off your sign:
15.
Boys: astrology SUCKS!!! So dumb👿 Boys: what does it say for my sign🥺
16.
people are like “astrology is a meaningless human construct” but also “it’s 2 o’clock in the afternoon”
17.
i don’t give a fuck about astrology i just ask about it to hear pretty girls talk about me and describe me
18.
why are stra*ght men so against astrology and personality tests???? it's like they're born with this vendetta against trying to know yourself more????? is introspection such a bad thing
19.
If astrology isn’t real then why’d the full moon in Aquarius do that
20.
“astrology isn’t real” literally nothing is real your name is gibberish but you still answer to it bc you crave identity and structure you pathetic fucking featherless biped
21.
How do people just raw dog life without astrology and witchcraft?