1. Shit!!! I've got therapy tomorrow. What am I going to even talk about??
2. Ugh, I don't feel like talking today.
3. LOL, the person walking out of the office looks like she's in way worse shape.
4. Wait. Shit. Is the person waiting after me going to think the same thing??
5. My therapist is totally laughing at me!!!
6. Wait, that's a good thing, right?
7. She's acting like she remembers what I talked about last week, but does she ACTUALLY remember?
8. Why does my therapist ALWAYS bring up stuff that has NOTHING to do with what I'm talking about?
9. Wow, okay, I think I went a little overboard today.
10. I don't want to go today because I don't want to talk about that thing I did.
11. Does my therapist think I'm a bad person?
12. Can I cancel today's session?
13. Am I his most boring patient?
14. Am I her most whiny patient?
15. Are my problems even real?
16. SHIT I'M GOING TO CRY THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING!!!
17. Wow, I haven't thought about [insert memory from 20 years ago]...ever?
18. Wait, it's already been 45 minutes??
19. Was that a good "hmm" or a bad "hmm"?
20. Wow, it really is all my parents' fault, isn't it?
21. Did they move the tissues to be closer this time?
22. Is she taking notes?
23. Why isn't she taking notes?!?
24. Does my therapist worry about me when I'm not here?
25. Does my therapist like me??
26. Here we go again with the childhood stuff.
27. This couch is actually pretty comfy.
28. Can I just nap instead of doing my session today?
29. Am I doing this right?
30. Am I telling this story right?
31. What are they writing down??
32. How much am I paying for this, again?
33. Actually, I don't want to know.
34. Is it okay if I bring snacks next time?
35. Do therapists have therapists?
Clarissa Passos, Flora Paul, Isadora Manzaro, and Victor Nascimento also contributed to this post.
This post was translated from Portuguese.