What Do People Actually Hate About You?

I would tell you what's wrong with you but I can't seem to focus on you for long enough to put words to it. It's like you don't even have a perso — zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

You probably don't care that your insensitive and reckless behavior affects others, but it does. You're like a car going 90 mph down a highway totally unscathed, but leaving destruction and death in its wake everywhere it goes. If you slowed down and looked around, you might notice that other people don't actually just exist to make your life fun and exciting. You already stopped reading this, didn't you?

You're all rainbows and butterflies and unicorns and hearts and TOTAL DENIAL about the way of the world and the fact that you're prancing through it makes you a privileged asshole. If someone ever calls you out for being naive and ridiculous, you'll just smile at them and hope that they go away. Guess what — they won't, and neither will any of the other not-super-fun-and-wonderful things that exist in the world, and your relentless positivity is actually exhausting.

Did you take this quiz "ironically"? You're too good for pretty much everything, including fun, and your intention to take life extremely seriously at all times is only eclipsed by your barely concealed disdain for everyone who is able to actually have a good time. You're pretty sure that punk, print, and the world are all dying and it's everyone's fault but your own. Oh, and by the way, the world cares a lot less about what you think than you imagine they do.

Damn, are you even human? You're motivated by shit like money and power that other people at least have the grace to pretend they don't care about, and you basically don't care about anyone else or their silly feelings. You might be successful but secretly everyone is straining their ears to make sure you actually have a heartbeat. Do your tear ducts and smiling muscles even work anymore?

OH MY GOD WE THINK YOU'RE OVERDRAMATIC?!?!?!?! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO??????? Probably alternate between inconsolable crying fits, inexplicable anger directed at people who had nothing to do with it, and bursts of manic joy. Not everything is life and death, kiddo, and you're going to have to grow out of your adolescent hormonal phase someday.

You were pretty sure going into this quiz that we wouldn't be able to find anything wrong with you, huh? Well, I guess no one is perfect — despite what your attitude implies. Your talents would be impressive if you didn't spend 20 times more energy proving that you did things than you did actually doing them. We prescribe a black sticker for the selfie lens on your smartphone.

The only thing worse than the mistakes you make is listening to you apologize for it 20 times. I'm BEGGING you not to take this quiz result so seriously that it puts you in a funk for days. Everyone you know has problems too, but their worst one is listening to you whine. Let me guess — you're sorry that you apologize so much?