Teachers Are Revealing The Wildest Things They've Confiscated From Students, And It's Hysterical
"A small (live) turtle in a kid’s hoodie."
If you've spent any time inside a classroom, you've probably seen a teacher confiscate items that students shouldn't have — smartphones, notes, vape pens, snacks...you know the drill!
But as it turns out, teachers are occasionally forced to confiscate some absolutely WILD shit from their students. So this week, Reddit user u/poprockreaper posed a question to teachers everywhere: "What's the coolest thing you've confiscated from a child?"
The thread quickly went viral, with thousands of teachers sharing the hilarious, disturbing, and just plain bizarre things they've taken away from students. Here are the top responses:
1. "Took a pair of handcuffs during second period today. Got a lot of grief when I walked into the office with them."
2. "Scorpion in a jar. The kid had put in leaves, twigs, and even some smaller bugs for it to eat. Made a real habitat. HOWEVER, he was clumsy as hell and had a top locker above a concrete floor. No way I was going to risk him smashing the jar and letting it loose in the corridor."
3. "A dildo. It was found in the school garden. The kid came up to me and said, 'I found a ding-dong in the garden and I’m taking it home for mum.' I was not professional that day."
4. "An almost life-sized Chucky doll. You could give him a bat or knife, and it also had several different things it would say. It became kind of our classroom mascot."
5. "A small (live) turtle in a kid’s hoodie. It was a gift for a girl."
6. "A makeshift taser. This kid had rigged it using a couple of 9v batteries, wire, tape, and some sort of button from what could have been a toy."
7. "On a ferry to France with about 80 students. Some kids buy Nerf guns. I tell them to be careful and not fire them in public, or I'll have to take them. By the time we reach Calais, my colleagues and I have all of the Nerf guns. Cue all-out Nerf wars on the corridors once the kids went to bed that night, and every night of the trip..."
8. "A raw egg spray-painted silver. A live bird caught outside. A homemade hand buzzer. A luchador mask."
9. "A duck's egg. It smelled horrible. She told me she found It in the park. She was keeping it in her hat, hoping It was still alive. Sorry, child."
10. "Live dragonflies. He was a little 4-year-old boy who would never listen to any of the rules and generally just cause a lot of trouble. Anyway, he would catch dragonflies, without harming them. When you told him to release them, he would open his backpack and two or three dragonflies would fly out."
11. "A lot of drugs. Some really awesome lighters. A number of flick knives. Knuckle-dusters. And my personal favorite — a kitten."
12. "Frozen water bottle full of frozen margarita he was passing to his friends. Eighth grade homeroom, so 13-year-olds sharing a cocktail at 8 a.m."
13. "A redback spider from the gently closed palm of a 7-year-old boy's hand — almost every recess for a month before I figured out a way to make him stop. He was never bitten."
14. "A lit match. From a pocket."
15. "An Uno 'switch' card that he tried to use on me when I announced that he was getting a detention."
16. "Weed...the quality was so-so, and it was barely over a gram. This was 15 years ago, and it's the only time I knowingly stole something. I don't regret it."
17. "A specially designed pen that has a radio in it. If you bite the end of the pen, you can hear the radio playing via bone conduction. Only you can hear it. I really wanted to keep it."
18. "A note that said, 'School makes me feel like a dog waiting to be euthanized.'”
19. "Condoms in his pencil box. He had no idea they were condoms. He thought they were balloons his dad had hid from him."
20. "A vibrating bracelet! (Actually, a cock ring a 5-year-old found under her mom's bed. Student was wearing it as a bracelet.)"
And finally, this student chimed in with a confiscation story of their own...
21. "One of my teachers took my yo-yo and tried to do a trick she 'once knew' and smashed a window."
Okay, YOUR turn: What's the craziest thing you've witnessed a teacher confiscate in a classroom? Sound off in the comments, please!
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.