As a gay man living in 2020, I find myself asking at LEAST three times a day, "Are straight men OK?"
And apparently I'm not the only one worried about hetero boys, because yesterday, Reddit user u/ma_damn_blueberry posed an important question to the internet: "Straight men, what's the strangest thing you've been told not to do because 'that's gay'?"
Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?
The thread quickly went viral, as thousands of straight men started sharing the things they were told to avoid for fear of seeming ~gay~.
Their answers were eye-opening — sometimes hilarious, and occasionally depressing. Here are the top responses:
1. "I was reading a book and a couple dudes called me gay. Not for reading a book, but because I was using a bookmark."
2. "Flossing my teeth. Apparently, gingivitis is something only hetero people have."
3. "I had a buddy that wouldn’t eat foods that resembled the shape of a penis. Hot dogs, bananas, cucumbers, none of it — even if it wasn’t in its original shape."
4. "There was a story a while back where some poor girl told the world about an ex who wouldn't wipe his butt or wash his genitals because 'touching a dick is gay.'"
5. "I wore my watch on my right hand. Apparently when I was in high school that was gay as fuck."
6. "My brother-in-law and I went to a movie. He told me it was gay to sit next to him...I sat right next to him. For the entire movie."
7. "My girlfriend was confused by how much I enjoyed cunnilingus — I wanted to do it every time we had sex — and asked if it was because I was gay. I told her I was pretty sure this behavior was not an indicator of male homosexuality. She couldn't explain why she thought it was."
8. "I sew Renaissance-type costumes as a hobby. I've been told I should stop doing it because sewing is either gay or women's work."
9. "Enjoying female singers and female-fronted bands. I came from a very stupid place with a very stupid culture."
10. "I went on a date with a guy who wouldn't drink cocktails because they were gay. So he'd only drink beer to be more masculine."
11. "Having friends who are girls who you don't sexually harass."
12. "Going linen shopping, according to my best friend. That's nice bro, but I need towels. Deal with it."
13. "I once was told that baking and cooking were 'gay' or 'too feminine.' Fuck that shit! My dad was a professional chef, and I'd be damned proud to follow in his footsteps in the culinary world. Also, who doesn't love the guy who can whip up birthday cakes, brownies, and snacks?"
14. "I remember as a kid my dad would tell me not to sit with my legs crossed in a chair. I replied, 'Don't care.' Still don't."
15. "I knew a guy who wouldn't have a serious conversation that might cause any kind of emotion because 'that's gay.' It couldn't even be something nice like talking about puppies."
16. "My sister's male friend said he hated being a guy because he COULDN'T USE AN UMBRELLA. Apparently it's gay to keep yourself dry."
17. "Recognizing that another man is handsome. Like bruh I have eyes and know how attraction works."
18. "My husband was called gay by his dad for wearing red shoes one day, and another time for wearing red shorts. I guess the color red is gay?"
19. "Taking a bath. Apparently, straight men only take showers."
20. "Not me, but a friend of mine got dumped because his GF thought he was a closeted gay. He liked having his apartment clean, so he cleans it every evening and somehow, doing household chores was gay to her. His new GF is thrilled, though."
21. "Playing a female character in a game. It's a game, dude — I can play any character I want."
22. "Going to brunch. If steak, eggs, and alcohol at noon are gay, well then fuck it."
And finally...
23. "Using a straw. Because apparently it’s like having a tiny penis in your mouth."
Well, speaking from personal experience, the BEST part of being gay is our ability to floss, use umbrellas, cross our legs, sip from straws, and eat brunch without fear! Straight men, we're keeping you in our thoughts.
