1.
me: [raises hand] my date: again, that's not necessary
2.
DATE: cool record player ME: thanks. i'll put on some music 🎶 a little bit of monica in my life 🎶 ME: shit DATE: why do u have this on vinyl
3.
[date pulls away from kissing] what do you say we take this to the bedroom me: [stamps foot down] but I'm not tired
4.
[walking in park] date: "impress me" me: "i can talk to animals" date: "prove it" me: [to duck] "hello you fucking duck"
5.
Her: you ok? Me: just nervous, I don't date much Her: you're doing fine [I go to take a drink, but It's the candle & I set my face on fire]
6.
[Frantically plunging the toilet at a girl's house] "You ok in there?" Fine "Are you sure? What's that noise?" *climbing out the window* IDK
7.
HIM: tell me your wildest fantasy ME: i'm on wheel of fortune and i spin it so hard it lights on fire HIM: i meant like- ME: everyone claps
8.
boy: you have really pretty eyes... me: *suspicious* thank you...??? boy: *leans in slowly* me: NO!!!! You cant have them!!!!!
9.
me: Let me slip into something more uncomfortable. him: Uncomfortable? me (getting naked): Yes.
10.
waiter: can I get you guys some more breadsticks? date: no thanks me: [mouthful of chicken parm] bring the breadsticks Tony
11.
him: your single? why? me: you're*
12.
*lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU
13.
date: So what do you do? me: *pulls out stuffed fox* I'm a taxidermist date: Oh wow fox: and a ventriloquist
14.
me on a date: my treat ! :) me to the waiter: can i get the senior discount my grandmas in the car
15.
Waiter: have you saved room for dessert? Me: yes My date: no My mom: yes
16.
Waiter: would u like to see the dessert menu Me: no, I know what I want Date [whispers]: they won't have McFlurrys Me: bring the fucken menu
17.
[first date] me: So, do you like street magic? her: Not really me: [releases 7 doves under table] Haha yeah me either
18.
[first date] HER: So do you prefer cats or dogs? ME: *scanning the menu* I don't even see them on here. What page are you on?
19.
[1st date] me: are you cold? date: *shivering* a little me: *putting second hoody on* that sucks
20.
{first date} Him: You look tense Me: I'm so nervous Him: Aw. Just be you Me: IVE BEEN HOLDING IN A FART THAT MIGHT LAUNCH ME TO CANADA
21.
me: [throws jacket over a puddle like a gentleman] my date: why my jacket