23 Times Regular People Really Fucked Up In Front Of Celebrities
"I barfed in front of Dolly Parton because she passed by me on a carriage."
1. This Miss Congeniality reference:
I saw Sandra Bullock at the London premiere of Minions. As she was making her rounds and greeting the fans, it hit me that I was actually going to be able to talk to her. When she finally got in front of me, I panicked and blabbered out, “YOU’RE BEAUTY AND YOU’RE GRACE!!!” Luckily she just laughed.
2. This twisted ankle:
A friend of mine went to a party after a concert here in Dubai. While there, she fell flat on her face and twisted her ankle on the way down. One guy saw the whole thing and helped her get back up. That guy was Usher.
3. This unfortunate mistake:
I was a waitress in high school and saw a group of middle-aged women sit down. I walked up to their table and said something like, “How are you ladies doing?” That's when I realized it was actually a group of men, and to make matters worse it was fucking Aerosmith! They just stared at me. I apologized, ran back inside, and made another coworker take their order. I couldn’t face them after that.
4. This utter disaster:
My mom once tried waving at Stevie Wonder to get his attention as he came out of a restaurant.
5. This interesting exchange:
I went to a screening for The Good Place with the entire cast, and they took pictures with fans at the end. I got to the front of the line where the cast was waiting, and I blurted out to D'Arcy Carden, who plays Janet on the show, "I love your Twitter!!!" In fear of offending the rest of the cast by not complimenting them, I followed it up with, "I love everyone's Twitter!" Then, as I turned for the group picture, I screamed, "I LOVE TWITTER!" This is why I can't be around celebrities.
6. This drunken meeting:
Years ago I was at a bar and had far too many vodka cranberries. I got completely trashed, so my friends carried me out and left me on the corner while they hailed a cab. A nice gentleman came to check on me and asked if I was okay. I looked up, saw that it was Harvey Keitel, and proceeded to vomit all over his shoes. Even after throwing up on him, he was still nice enough to help me into the cab.
7. This gutsy adventure:
I regularly saw this attractive man at the gym, so one day I gave him ‘the eyes’ and thought I was getting them back. I strutted over and handed him a note that said, "Into fit, petite blonde girls? If so, call me," and then I listed my name and number. He kindly replied, "This is really funny, and I’m sure it’ll work on someone, but I’m engaged." I went to laugh about it with the girl at the front desk, and that's when she told me the guy was Jeremy Renner.
8. This awkward recording:
When I was eight, I did a fundraiser for the Special Olympics and got to meet The Jonas Brothers. Because of the nature of the event, we ended up being on the news together. All I did was silently stare at Joe Jonas, so he patted me on the head. I went to watch the news recording later on, and the information bar at the bottom of the screen blocked my face off, Mike Wazowski-style.
9. This embarrassing event:
I once asked Eddie Murphy if he remembered me after seeing him for a second time in about six weeks. He didn't.
10. This onstage oversight:
A couple years ago, I saw New Kids on the Block perform. They saw me in the front row and invited me on the stage, where my brain promptly shut down. Instead of greeting Jordan Knight like a normal person, I curtsied and said "Enchantee!" in front of the entire audience. To be clear, I am not French, and I've never used that word before in my life.
11. This intimidating interaction:
I worked as an extra on the set of a Harrison Ford movie. We were at the end of a 19-hour shoot and were all a little stir-crazy. I told an extra that Harrison reminded me of my dad and that I wanted to hug him. The bell rang for break, Harrison walked by, and the extra shouted, “There goes your chance to hug Harrison!” Harrison turned around and said, “What?” I was so caught off guard that I said the only thing that came to my mind: "You look like a man who likes to be hugged.” He offered a handshake.
12. This humiliating blunder:
While at Dollywood as a kid, I barfed in front of Dolly Parton because she passed by me on a carriage.
13. This mortifying tale:
I was walking down the street when someone accidentally bumped my shoulder from behind. It was Stevie Wonder, walking with another man. I got excited and tried to give Stevie a high five, but his guide grabbed my hand and said, "Mr. Wonder doesn't high five." Then they walked away.
14. This wretched remark:
While waiting in line at Starbucks, my friend leaned over to me and whispered, "I'm standing next to Tiger Woods." She then proceeded to turn to him and what nervously came out of her mouth was, "Um, you're a good golfer." He chuckled and said, "Ah, yeah. Thanks." The whole drive home she just hung her head in shame, repeating, "Why did I say that?!" I've never let her live it down.
15. This frightening scream:
I've always had a huge fear of pigeons, and one day in ninth grade a pigeon dive-bombed by my head. I was so scared and screamed like hell. That's when I noticed Brad Pitt was right beside me, watching the whole thing unfold. It was the most devastating thing that could happen to a 14-year-old girl!
16. This jerky gesture:
I worked as a private chef for a certain celebrity while he was in town filming Zack and Miri Make a Porno. He had a pre-screening at his house for close friends, and I worked for three days to make all the food for the event. Unfortunately I heard Ben Affleck make a comment about my food to someone, saying, "I could make crap better than this in my bathroom." I cried.
17. This regrettable mixup:
I was taking pictures at an exhibit in a museum, and my friends were a little farther in front of me. All of a sudden I heard them screaming my name. They were waving and screaming at me, but I couldn't really make it out. Then my friend started pointing at the man beside me, yelling, "IT'S ROBERT DOWNEY JR.!" That's when I looked up at the man staring back down at me, and I realized it was actually Hugh Jackman. I was so embarrassed, but he was really nice about it.
18. This naughty nibble:
My mom and I met Chris Messina at a film festival a few years ago. To prepare, we watched his movie 28 Hotel Rooms, which featured him in a full-frontal nude scene. My mom got nervous when it was her turn to speak with him, so the first thing she said was, "Hi, I'm Jane. I like your ding dong." Luckily he laughed about it.
19. This nervous statement:
I used to work at a fancy dog boarding ranch, and I was in love with this Pittie that turned out to be Gabrielle Union's dog. When she came in, I of course tried to be super casual and nonchalant, but for some reason I told her that I wanted to steal her dog?!
20. This play on words:
I used to work at a tennis club that Arnold Schwarzenegger belonged to, so I once asked him if he'd like me to hold his balls.
21. This sudden realization:
One night, my husband and I were leaving the grocery store just as Chris Rock was walking in. My husband said, "Big fan, Chris!" and then extended his arm for a handshake. Then my husband immediately took his hand back and said, "Nah, you don't want to shake my hand." We changed directions and walked away, embarrassed.
22. This blast from the past:
I was waiting for my flight at LAX and saw a man who looked so familiar to me. After five minutes of thinking, I finally figured out that he was my coach from middle school. I went up to him and his friends and said, “Oh my god, Coach Johnson! Do you remember me?!” His posse started laughing. Then he said, “I’m actually Common.” I was so embarrassed. Luckily he was still kind enough to take a picture with me.
23. And this betrayed brain:
My ex ran into Kevin Bacon in the bathroom. What he meant to say was, “Wow, you’ve really done a lot of great things since Footloose!” What he actually said was, “Wow, you haven’t done much since Footloose." Kevin Bacon did NOT look happy.
—Audrey Springsteen, Facebook
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.