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10 Celebrity Poop Horror Stories That'll Make You Feel Better About Yourself

Never take a chance on a fart.

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We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their favorite celebrity poop stories. Here are the hilarious results.

Note: Not all submissions are from Community users.

1. Nick Kroll's chocolate surprise:

TBS

"I was driving and the hairs on my arm started to rise. I was heavy breathing, because I'm about to have a butt baby, because I am crowning. I kept driving. You know how in New Orleans, right before the levees burst, they're like, 'What if we just let a little water out, to relieve the pressure?' I let a little water out of my levees, like a Hershey's Kiss that's been sitting in the sun too long. I hovered over my steering wheel for leverage, and my body was like, 'NO, WE WANT IT ALL.' So I was sitting there, and I just filled my underwear with, like, a travel-size pillow worth of brisket. Then I waddled inside, took a shower, and had a four-hour shame nap."

Submitted by karinadahl

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2. Miriam Margolyes's shitty dinner party:

“I was invited to a lovely dinner party… When I arrived, I flew into the loo and had this enormous shit. Then I flushed the loo and washed my hands and it didn’t go down. It wasn’t going down. And then I made this terrible mistake: I flushed the loo again. Not only didn’t it go down, but it sort of bubbled up to meet me. What I was afraid of was that it would surge over the bowl. I’m such a coward, so I backed out of the loo, closed the door, and instead of saying, ‘How do you do? It’s lovely to meet you,’ I said, ‘I’ve blocked the loo with my shit and I don’t know what to do.’”

Submitted by spenceralthouse

3. Serena Williams' dog food disaster:

youtube.com

“I ate a spoonful [of my dog's food]. Don’t judge me. I ate a spoonful. Let’s fast-forward to two hours: I just ran to the toilet, like I thought I was gonna pass out. I mean, it did taste weird; I had to force-swallow… So now I feel really sick. It was just a spoonful. I am on the struggle bus. I really don’t feel good.”

Submitted by jocelynr4f

4. Jack Whitehall's foreign flush:

youtube.com

"I was in Spain and I was in a restaurant and I needed to use the facilities. I went to flush. Didn't work. I flushed again, six, seven times. Would not work. So I was trying to do the right thing: I'm not just gonna do a hit-and-run and leave it here. I found a waiter. He didn't speak English, so I gestured to this man, 'Yes, could you come here? No, no, no, leave them alone, just follow me.' I ushered him into the toilet, I pointed at my poo, I went to flush, and it went down straight away. How weird did I look? Like I just invited him into the toilet to say goodbye to my shit."

Submitted by ft7718

5. Ed Sheeran's famous shart:

Nova / Via youtube.com

I actually once misjudged a fart onstage, which ended up being a shart. It was midway through a performance, and I was really lively, and then halfway through I was like, all right. I’m just gonna stand still for the rest of this performance and hope it’s over soon and then go home and throw these trousers out.”

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6. Jennifer Lawrence's peaceful poo:

CBS / Via youtube.com

"I went to the emergency room. I just had this really bad pain for, like, three weeks, and you can only shit your pants so many times a day before you're like, 'I have to go to the hospital.' But I just did this thing yesterday called an endoscopo-something. They were putting me to sleep and I could see the stuff coming toward me and the doctor was like, 'Think someplace peaceful, think of an island. A lot of people have pleasant dreams.' And then the last thing I said was, 'I'm paralyzed!' And then I just passed out. When I woke up, she said, 'Jennifer, did you have any dreams?' And I said, 'I dreamed... nuclear bombs.'"

7. Tyler Oakley's gooey hangover:

"One night in college I drank a lot of vodka. I woke up the next day thinking, 'Oh, god, I have class.' I walked down the hall and down the stairs and felt terrible. Then I thought I just had to fart. I trusted the fart, and I was halfway to class. I shit my pants. It was like an explosion. It was flowing. I waltzed down the hallway to get to my room, and we have an open door policy in my hall, so everyone was just, like, 'Hey, Tyler!' I got back to my room, and my roommate was there. I showered, I threw away my underwear, and I never told anyone."

Submitted by jmccune0908

8. Louis C.K.'s backwards urinal:

"I was asked to do this thing where I'd go on stage with the mayor of New York. I asked the aide if I could go to the bathroom, and he said, 'You have to go real quick.' I run to the bathroom, and I'm trying to go fast — I'm trying to pee quickly — so I'm sort of pushing to get the pee out. It's too much pressure, and out the back...pop! I'm at a urinal and boom, out the back. So I've got wet underwear, and the mayor is waiting for me. I couldn't do anything, so I followed the aide and they took me to the waiting area and I stood there for 45 minutes, and I'm sort of just drying off. So I stood next to the mayor of New York City, and I did the whole thing with poop in my pants."

Submitted by kaelintully

9. Al Roker's presidential poop:

NBC / Via youtube.com

"When you have a bypass and your bowel has been reconstructed, you think you're pretty safe. I probably went off and ate something I wasn't supposed to. As I'm walking to the press room, I'm thinking I gotta pass a little gas here. I'm walking by myself, who's gonna know? Only a little something extra came out. I pooped my pants. Not horribly, but enough that I knew. I was panicking, so I got to the restroom in the press room, threw out my underwear, and went commando."

Submitted by munchymann

10. And H. Jon Benjamin's diarrhea catastrophe:

"I had massive diarrhea in my Rent-A-Car. I didn't just shit my pants, I shit my car. I flew in from Boston at, like, one in the morning. Then in the rental car, it hit me: I tensed up and felt so sick. I pulled over at a gas station, and the guy said, 'No bathroom. No bathroom.' I waddled back to the car, and I'm sweating. I go to another place. Same thing: 'No bathroom.' I remember yelling, 'Fuck, fuck, fuck!' I got to the freeway, and it was over. Just, shit. Liquid came out. I was in a total state of shock. I finally pulled up to the hotel, and no one was there. Then all of a sudden my door opened: 'Welcome to the—,' the stench was so awful, it cut him off. I panicked. I just ran. I left my car on. I ran to the bathroom, took my clothes off, wiped myself, and realized I forgot my bag in the car. I had to put my shorts back on. I turned around and security was there. I tried to show them my ID, but it was covered in shit. I finally got to the front desk, almost in tears, and I said, 'My name is Jon Benjamin, I'm staying at this hotel, I had diarrhea in my pants for the last two hours. Please help me. Just, please get me to the room.' Luckily they were nice about it all."

Submitted by scotjena

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