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10 Celebrity Poop Horror Stories That'll Make You Feel Better About Yourself

Never take a chance on a fart.

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We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their favorite celebrity poop stories. Here are the hilarious results.

Note: Not all submissions are from Community users.

1. Nick Kroll's chocolate surprise:


"I was driving and the hairs on my arm started to rise. I was heavy breathing, because I'm about to have a butt baby, because I am crowning. I kept driving. You know how in New Orleans, right before the levees burst, they're like, 'What if we just let a little water out, to relieve the pressure?' I let a little water out of my levees, like a Hershey's Kiss that's been sitting in the sun too long. I hovered over my steering wheel for leverage, and my body was like, 'NO, WE WANT IT ALL.' So I was sitting there, and I just filled my underwear with, like, a travel-size pillow worth of brisket. Then I waddled inside, took a shower, and had a four-hour shame nap."

Submitted by karinadahl

2. Miriam Margolyes's shitty dinner party:

“I was invited to a lovely dinner party… When I arrived, I flew into the loo and had this enormous shit. Then I flushed the loo and washed my hands and it didn’t go down. It wasn’t going down. And then I made this terrible mistake: I flushed the loo again. Not only didn’t it go down, but it sort of bubbled up to meet me. What I was afraid of was that it would surge over the bowl. I’m such a coward, so I backed out of the loo, closed the door, and instead of saying, ‘How do you do? It’s lovely to meet you,’ I said, ‘I’ve blocked the loo with my shit and I don’t know what to do.’”

Submitted by spenceralthouse


3. Serena Williams' dog food disaster:

“I ate a spoonful [of my dog's food]. Don’t judge me. I ate a spoonful. Let’s fast-forward to two hours: I just ran to the toilet, like I thought I was gonna pass out. I mean, it did taste weird; I had to force-swallow… So now I feel really sick. It was just a spoonful. I am on the struggle bus. I really don’t feel good.”

Submitted by jocelynr4f

4. Jack Whitehall's foreign flush:

"I was in Spain and I was in a restaurant and I needed to use the facilities. I went to flush. Didn't work. I flushed again, six, seven times. Would not work. So I was trying to do the right thing: I'm not just gonna do a hit-and-run and leave it here. I found a waiter. He didn't speak English, so I gestured to this man, 'Yes, could you come here? No, no, no, leave them alone, just follow me.' I ushered him into the toilet, I pointed at my poo, I went to flush, and it went down straight away. How weird did I look? Like I just invited him into the toilet to say goodbye to my shit."

Submitted by ft7718

5. Ed Sheeran's famous shart:

Nova / Via

I actually once misjudged a fart onstage, which ended up being a shart. It was midway through a performance, and I was really lively, and then halfway through I was like, all right. I’m just gonna stand still for the rest of this performance and hope it’s over soon and then go home and throw these trousers out.”

6. Jennifer Lawrence's peaceful poo:

CBS / Via

"I went to the emergency room. I just had this really bad pain for, like, three weeks, and you can only shit your pants so many times a day before you're like, 'I have to go to the hospital.' But I just did this thing yesterday called an endoscopo-something. They were putting me to sleep and I could see the stuff coming toward me and the doctor was like, 'Think someplace peaceful, think of an island. A lot of people have pleasant dreams.' And then the last thing I said was, 'I'm paralyzed!' And then I just passed out. When I woke up, she said, 'Jennifer, did you have any dreams?' And I said, 'I dreamed... nuclear bombs.'"


7. Tyler Oakley's gooey hangover:

"One night in college I drank a lot of vodka. I woke up the next day thinking, 'Oh, god, I have class.' I walked down the hall and down the stairs and felt terrible. Then I thought I just had to fart. I trusted the fart, and I was halfway to class. I shit my pants. It was like an explosion. It was flowing. I waltzed down the hallway to get to my room, and we have an open door policy in my hall, so everyone was just, like, 'Hey, Tyler!' I got back to my room, and my roommate was there. I showered, I threw away my underwear, and I never told anyone."

Submitted by jmccune0908

8. Louis C.K.'s backwards urinal:

"I was asked to do this thing where I'd go on stage with the mayor of New York. I asked the aide if I could go to the bathroom, and he said, 'You have to go real quick.' I run to the bathroom, and I'm trying to go fast — I'm trying to pee quickly — so I'm sort of pushing to get the pee out. It's too much pressure, and out the back...pop! I'm at a urinal and boom, out the back. So I've got wet underwear, and the mayor is waiting for me. I couldn't do anything, so I followed the aide and they took me to the waiting area and I stood there for 45 minutes, and I'm sort of just drying off. So I stood next to the mayor of New York City, and I did the whole thing with poop in my pants."

Submitted by kaelintully

9. Al Roker's presidential poop:

NBC / Via

"When you have a bypass and your bowel has been reconstructed, you think you're pretty safe. I probably went off and ate something I wasn't supposed to. As I'm walking to the press room, I'm thinking I gotta pass a little gas here. I'm walking by myself, who's gonna know? Only a little something extra came out. I pooped my pants. Not horribly, but enough that I knew. I was panicking, so I got to the restroom in the press room, threw out my underwear, and went commando."

Submitted by munchymann

10. And H. Jon Benjamin's diarrhea catastrophe:

"I had massive diarrhea in my Rent-A-Car. I didn't just shit my pants, I shit my car. I flew in from Boston at, like, one in the morning. Then in the rental car, it hit me: I tensed up and felt so sick. I pulled over at a gas station, and the guy said, 'No bathroom. No bathroom.' I waddled back to the car, and I'm sweating. I go to another place. Same thing: 'No bathroom.' I remember yelling, 'Fuck, fuck, fuck!' I got to the freeway, and it was over. Just, shit. Liquid came out. I was in a total state of shock. I finally pulled up to the hotel, and no one was there. Then all of a sudden my door opened: 'Welcome to the—,' the stench was so awful, it cut him off. I panicked. I just ran. I left my car on. I ran to the bathroom, took my clothes off, wiped myself, and realized I forgot my bag in the car. I had to put my shorts back on. I turned around and security was there. I tried to show them my ID, but it was covered in shit. I finally got to the front desk, almost in tears, and I said, 'My name is Jon Benjamin, I'm staying at this hotel, I had diarrhea in my pants for the last two hours. Please help me. Just, please get me to the room.' Luckily they were nice about it all."

Submitted by scotjena

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