1. Why every office and house has a Sports Direct mug even though we never remember buying one.
2. Why we hoard old Argos catalogues.
3. Why one of our favourite biscuits basically tastes of nothing.
4. And whether a Jaffa Cake is actually a cake or a biscuit.
5. Why we laugh at Christmas crackers every year even though they're not funny at all.
6. Why we get so obsessed with Wimbledon.
7. And why we laugh and clap when a pigeon flies onto the court.
8. Why cricket needs to last for days on end.
9. Why we get so excited about coming third.
10. Why we think going for country walks in the pissing rain is a nice day out.
11. What Morris dancing is all about.
12. Why we’re obsessed with TV shows about people buying and decorating houses.
But not massive, fancy Cribs houses — semidetached, three-bedroom houses in Stevenage.
13. And why we really love to watch Grand Designs.
It's just people standing around in hard hats looking at tarpaulin in the rain.
14. Why anyone would move to Midsomer.
15. Why half of our TV programmes have "Great British" at the start.
TV programmes on this week include: Great British Railway Journeys, Great British Garden Revival, Great British Menu, The Great British Benefits Handout and, of course, repeats of The Great British Bake Off. THIS MUST BE STOPPED.
16. And why we're so obsessed with The Great British Bake Off.
17. Why Jeremy Kyle is allowed to shout at people on TV every day for hours.
18. Why most of our TV is filled with filthy innuendo.
19. Who actually watches Doctors.
Do nans watch it? It has been running for 16 years and you probably couldn't name one character.
20. How it is that people still listen to The Archers.
21. And how the fuck Mrs Brown's Boys is so popular.
22. Why we allowed this thing to be a celebrity for many years.
23. Why we even bother to enter Eurovision any more.
24. And why, on multiple occasions, the most talented person in our nation has been a dog.
To be fair, they are very skilled.