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    Posted on Sep 30, 2015

    32 Hilarious Tweets About Cats

    Cats <3

    1.

    It's so sad that curiosity led to so many life-changing inventions, but is still mostly remembered for killing that one cat.

    2.

    [wins 4th thumb war in a row] me: "HAHA YES! i am the greatest" cat: "i dont think this is fair"

    3.

    New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger &amp; named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old &amp; works in IT.

    4.

    How would you rate your dining experience today? ⚪ Good ⚪ Bad 🔘 Using cats as waiters was a nice touch but we never received our food.

    5.

    When you see a baby picture on facebook, simply comment "Why did you shave that ugly cat?" and get yourself a drink.

    6.

    7.

    Honestly, I'm really not a cat person. *loses all followers

    8.

    Your cat turned into a cat-sized spider so slowly, you hardly even noticed the change in his purring.

    9.

    sext: i love you (ten minutes later) sorry that was my cat

    10.

    10yro son: Can I use your laptop to find a cat picture? Me: Sure. Son: *typing* P-u-s-s- Me: NOOOOOO!! *knocks laptop out of the window*

    11.

    "You only live once." - a pessimistic cat

    12.

    Interviewer: So, why do you want to work at this aquarium? Cat in a wig: I just love marine life ok [knocks over desk calendar]

    13.

    Each time my mom puts an inspirational meme about finding the right man someday on my Facebook wall, a cat is auto-shipped to my house.

    14.

    For my cat's birthday I'm covering my coffee table with change, bottle caps, pens &amp; gum wrappers so he can just knock it all onto the floor.

    15.

    My wife is an animal in the sack, but that animal is a cat. She mostly ignores me unless she wants to use me for my body heat.

    16.

    You can use your cat as a towel. There's no specific laws against it.

    17.

    I'm on Facebook posting pics of my cat with a sign telling how many months old she is.

    18.

    "I can't watch the horrorshow of your life unfold any further" --my cat

    19.

    i saw a bro-dude at a bar say, "when the cat is gone, the mice have fun" and you could tell he thought it would rhyme. The moment just hung.

    20.

    [at the vets] He's really bad. He can't fly. "He's a cat though." [very sarcastically] oh I'm sorry is this the vets or the excuses clinic?

    21.

    [first date at a chinese restaurant] "So are you more of a dog or a cat person?" *reading menu* I was thinking orange chicken but you do you

    22.

    I pride myself on my cat-like reflexes. *curls up in a ball and sleeps in the sun for 12 hours*

    23.

    "ha ha haaa ha haaa ha ha ha ha haaa ha haaa" i laugh in morse code saying "please kill me" as my date tells me a cute cat story

    24.

    My cat sure drinks a lot of water for someone WHO CLAIMS TO BE TERRIFIED OF IT

    25.

    I wish I was as good at looking dead inside as a cat being hugged.

    26.

    [Don't let her know you're a cat] I got you this *she opens the box there's a dead mouse inside* "OMG WTF?!" *I start headbutting her elbow*

    27.

    Me: *Sobbing* One minute he loves me and the next he wants nothing to do me! Therapist: That's pretty typical cat behavior....

    28.

    i hav cat-like reflexes "prove it" *looks at a cat* (instantly) i like that cat

    29.

    ---LOST CAT--- we hate this cat and are glad its lost /\_/\ ( o.o ) look at it. terrible beast. no reward

    30.

    *on phone* Sure I can come over! Let me– Cat curled up on my lap: *makes throat slice gesture with claw* No nvm, I'm just going to stay in

    31.

    One time I woke up and there was a cat sleeping on my bed that I'd never seen before and I just said "oh hello" and went back to sleep.

    32.

    cat lawyer: show us on this map where the accident occurred *witness raises laser pointer* *cat lawyer just fucking destroys map*

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