1. It would be called Mates.
2. And they would all live in flats and not apartments.
3. Joey's catchphrase would be, "You alright, love?"
4. He'd be an actor on Holby City.
5. And probably get nominated for an Inside Soap award.
6. He would definitely have done a DFS advert at some point.
7. And done something embarrassing for Children in Need.
8. He would be obsessed with getting in the Metro celeb gossip pages.
9. Monica would work in a trendy restaurant in west London.
10. It would be one of those places where you can't reserve a table, and this would annoy everyone else.
11. Rachel would get a job working in Selfridges.
12. Chandler would be called Craig or something, because literally no one in Britain is called Chandler.
13. He would work for an IT company in some industrial estate in Bexley.
14. His commute would be awful and he'd complain about it every episode.
15. Instead of getting a job in Tulsa he would accidentally take a job in Grantham.
16. But it wouldn't be that bad because it's not really that far.
17. Ross would work at the Natural History Museum.
18. And lecture at UCL.
19. His ex-wife, Carol, would definitely live in Stoke Newington.
20. And Emily would be an American.
21. Phoebe would always be inviting everyone to weird east-London pop-ups.
22. She would have a black cab.
23. And she'd never have to teach Joey basic French because he'd have learned it at school.
24. Central Perk would be called Hyde Perk.
25. Gunther would be called Gareth.
26. And the mates would drink a lot more tea than coffee.
27. They would also probably go to the pub instead of spending every evening in a café.
28. It would probably be a Spoon's tho.
29. Because who can say no to Curry Club?
30. Monica's flat would be in Notting Hill.
31. Which of course they could still inexplicably afford to live in as a result of a protected tenancy agreement.
32. Phoebe would live in some converted Hackney warehouse.
33. Ross would probably live south of the river.
34. Joey and Chandler would leave Ben on a double-decker bus.
35. There would be an episode where they all got confused about Oyster cards.
36. And one where they all rode Boris bikes.
37. They would all get trapped in their flats once a series because of tube strikes.
38. The one where Rachel and Monica swap identities because Rachel doesn't have insurance would never have happened because of the NHS.
39. It would be a lot more fucking sweary.
40. The one in Vegas would be set in Blackpool.
41. And Ross and Rachel would never have drunkenly got married, because you couldn't get married at night in Britain until 2012.
42. The Thanksgiving episodes would be about Boxing Day.
43. And no one would be playing football because they'd be too hungover.
44. Will would have been played by Hugh Grant rather than Brad Pitt.
45. The one with the prom video would never have happened because proms were barely a thing in the UK in the 1980s.
46. Phoebe's beautiful snow wedding would have been a gross brown slush wedding.
47. The Barbados trip would have been set in Tenerife.
48. And it would still have rained the whole time.
49. Instead of poking Ugly Naked Guy they'd anonymously call 101 because Brits don't like to interfere.
50. A picture of him would end up being on the front page of the Evening Standard.
51. Monica and Chandler would eventually buy a big house in Surrey.
52. Rachel would get a job in Paris but it wouldn't really be a big deal.
53. Because you can easily get there on the Eurostar.
54. So the "I got off the plane" line would be "I got off the train".