1. How to carry the goddamn heaviest bag in the world.
2. And how to get up when you have fallen over and are being crushed your monstrous bag.
3. How to subtly make it so the person you like least in the group has to carry the heaviest equipment.
4. How to look exceptionally stylish in walking boots.
5. How to have a blazing argument halfway up a mountain.
6. How to pee in the woods.
7. How to negotiate with sheep.
8. And how to walk through a field of cows without screaming.
9. How to act like you know how to read a map.
10. And how to pretend to use a compass.
11. How to sustain yourself by eating your own body weight in Nature Valley bars.
12. How to motivate yourself through the medium of loudly singing songs from Disney / S Club 7 / Les Mis.
13. How to keep walking despite your feet being covered in blisters.
14. How to put up a tent in high winds/the pissing rain.
15. How to cook on one of these bastards.
16. How to eat Super Noodles for dinner every night.
17. How to deal with an actual crisis.
18. How to fall asleep on a rock-hard roll mat in a tiny sleeping bag.
19. And ultimately, how to walk many miles in the pissing rain with your friends and still remain on speaking terms after the ordeal.
