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If Romantic Comedies Were Actually Realistic

Because nobody *really* meets in a bookshop.

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1. Couples wouldn't meet via a chance encounter in a bookshop.

2. Or a park.

3. Or on the train.

4. Or because one person spilled a drink on the other.

5. Because flirting with total strangers is kind of weird.

6. And spilling drinks on people is pretty irritating.

7. And not really that sexy.


8. Supposedly "romantic behaviour", like saying "I love you" on a first date.

9. Or hiring a guy to date the sister of the girl you want to bang.

10. Or paying a prostitute to be exclusive.

11. Or flying thousands of miles to meet a guy you've only heard talk on the radio.

12. Or firing your assistant because you fell in love with her then deciding you actually want her back.

13. Or marrying a woman who has no memory of your relationship.

14. Or trying to make a woman fall in love with you to win a business deal.

15. Wouldn't be regarded as cute.

16. Or romantic.

17. But borderline creepy.

18. People that hate each other would be unlikely to fall in love.

19. Because most people you think are assholes.

20. Turn out to be assholes.

21. And not sexy potential spouses.

22. Who you eventually fall in love with.

23. After spending three days in each other's company.


24. They wouldn't necessarily be an attractive hetero Caucasian couple.

25. Because they might not be straight.

26. Or white.

27. It's 2015, come on.

28. The couple probably wouldn't go on loads of coffee dates.

29. Because most people have to be at work at coffee-drinking time.

30. Seriously, are they working part-time?

31. Do they take time off work to have coffee?

32. They also wouldn't just be able to jet off on some romantic adventure at short notice.

33. Because most people have jobs.

34. And have to request holiday.

35. And it's kind of expensive.

36. To just turn up at the airport and book a random flight.

37. The female lead would have more than one friend.

38. Because most women don't just have one sassy BFF.

39. Who is kind of a bitch to her.

40. And her other friends would mostly be nice to her.

41. Because most adults don't constantly bitch at their friends.

42. And relentlessly judge their life choices.

43. Or slut-shame them.

44. To their face.


45. The lead man wouldn't just have one douchebag single friend.

46. Who is also his wingman.

47. And childish partner-in-crime.

48. Who seems to live on a bar stool.

49. And is constantly available for beers.

50. And giving him terrible advice.

51. Because most adult men aren't actually loutish children.

52. The woman would live in a much shittier apartment.

53. And worry about money a lot more.

54. Because the quirky jobs women get in rom-coms.

55. Like being a TV producer.

56. Or a baker.

57. Or a journalist.

58. Don't really pay that well.

59. And she probably wouldn't have one of those jobs.

60. Because most people don't have those jobs.


61. The woman would actually take her bra off during sex.

62. And not wake up with her underwear on.

63. Because what are you even doing?

64. Did you get out of bed and put it back on to sleep?

65. They wouldn't only have sex under the duvet.

66. Because that just gets really sweaty.

67. And they wouldn't immediately fall asleep in each other's arms post-sex.

68. Because that's a really good way to get a UTI.

69. Or burn the house down with all those candles they probably lit earlier.

70. Also they wouldn't wake up with a weird L-shaped duvet.

71. Because most people don't have L-shaped duvets.

72. That reveal the man's chest.

73. But cover up all the unsightly boobs.

74. Nobody would ever run after their lover at the airport.

75. Because you can't just run through airport security.

76. Even if you're a cute child.

77. Because that's a really quick way to get shot.

78. Or arrested.

79. And put on a no-fly list.

80. The couple wouldn't break up over some minor miscommunication.

81. Because people have phones.

82. And can talk to each other.

83. And understand nuance.

84. And they wouldn't make up by kissing in the pouring rain.

85. Because it's kind of inconvenient.

86. Seriously, you're just going to ruin your shoes.

87. Nobody would actually try to break up a wedding.

88. And confess their undying love.

89. During the ceremony.

90. Because that's a huge dick move.

91. And when the couple eventually got together.

92. They probably wouldn't immediately decide to get married.

93. Because weddings are really fucking expensive.

94. Especially if you work in a bakery.

95. And not all the women in the world are totally obsessed with getting married.


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