While you’re grateful of witnessing your closest friends’ unions, there will also be many weddings by ex-coworkers, ex-girlfriends/boyfriends, and distant family acquaintances that you’re obliged to go to. Some of them will be stocked with ultra-conservative guests.
And for those, you’re preemptive terrified because–
3. All your other vacation plans just went down in flames
According to Lonely Planet, ancient Egyptians believed that the Sphinx guides all your slain vacation days to the afterlife.
5. You’ll have to hear so many witless gender cliches being peddled as hoary hilarity
“What a spunky gem of insight, Uncle Ben.”
9. Either way, they’ll seat you next to these guys
11. Weddings are a chance for acquaintances and frenemies to judge what you’re doing with your life
“So I hear you’re in an Anthropology PhD program?”
“I, for one, believe in working for the Real Adult World.
I market Colgate mouthwash for a million dollars a year.”
15. Everyone feels silly about the pageantry
18. And then the newlyweds will start chalking up all their new habits to maturity
You’re sort of horrified they’re all getting married in the same few weeks in September and May.
Stay strong. Things will only get weirder once they start having kids.
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