18 Reasons To Fear Wedding Season
Everyone you know is getting married in May, and they want to take away your vacation days too.
Everyone you know just got engaged. You're thinking–
While you're grateful of witnessing your closest friends' unions, there will also be many weddings by ex-coworkers, ex-girlfriends/boyfriends, and distant family acquaintances that you're obliged to go to. Some of them will be stocked with ultra-conservative guests.
And for those, you're preemptive terrified because–
1. Every wedding is at a different location
2. You'll hemorrhage all your savings on wedding gifts, travel expenses, new suits and dresses, etc.
3. All your other vacation plans just went down in flames
4. You're going to have to give a speech, and there is no chance that it's going to go any other way than really, really badly
5. You'll have to hear so many witless gender cliches being peddled as hoary hilarity
6. Your every weekend henceforth will be a rote exercise of bridal strippers and bachelor party flesh
7. Everything nuptial comes in horrid fonts
8. Unless the wedding's totally Pinterest-core
9. Either way, they'll seat you next to these guys
10. If it's a cousin's wedding, they'll seat you next to their spouses' most arrogant relatives
11. Weddings are a chance for acquaintances and frenemies to judge what you're doing with your life
12. No open bar is wide enough for you to want to do this with randos
13. And endure wedding poetry
14. And newlywed Facebook TMIs
15. Everyone feels silly about the pageantry
16. There will be dubious quotes to dispense
17. And awkward photos to fawn over
18. And then the newlyweds will start chalking up all their new habits to maturity
So, yes, while you're happy for your friends' big days
You're sort of horrified they're all getting married in the same few weeks in September and May.